Swansea Metropolitan University

I finally had my Big Crit on Tuesday, im glad to have done it and i am really happy about the responses i got.

Preparing for the Crit made me think about my whole time at university, and how the final exhibition needs to be me at my best, it needs to show how ive developed over my degree, and it must (MUST) show how ive pushed the ideas since my external examiner visited!

Ive been fighting it for a long time, but i guess… right now, at this exact time…. i am a video-based installation artist. Maybe not always installation, but majoritly video!

I've been so caught up in producing something thats not video-based for my final year exhibition. To prove to everyone that i dont just use video. But thats not what the degree show is about – of course i can do other things, work in other mediums – instead its about showing how my art has developed.

So, im throwing the towel in. I am exhibiting a video show reel, a video projection and a performance/video installation. Maybe. For now anyway. I don't know why im so unsure, i feel that my video sculptures are strong pieces of art. I think i am getting to a place where i am ready to keep moving forward. Whereas at the moment i feel that i need to stay in my current element pushing the edges just the tinyest bit further. If i wonder too far my body of art would seem confused and un-related, so for the sake of jumping-through-hoops i will stand by my work and put all my efforts into developing them just that smidge more.

So….

Most of my work has an element of performance in, but ive never actually performed! First time ever, i will be performing within my art – in a 12 hour long performance – overnight, in one of the local gallery windows. I am in the middle of confirming details with Elysium, and they appear positive.

I am extremely nervous about the idea, gotta try everything once though, right?

I dislike art when it becomes all about the admin.

I spent most of today waiting.

Waiting for my cast in wax to cool down and set, waiting for the new part for our air-compressor to arrive, waiting for customers in wilkinson. No, i do not have a new job, i have been fundraising for our degree show.

One of our fundraising activities is to volunteer bag-packing in some local shops, we get to talk to the people in swansea and advertise our exhibition as well as have some pennies donated to it. Surprisingly, it's not that bad. A few of the people i spoke seem honestly interested in coming along, the more the merrier!

Now ive sorted out an action plan i seem to spend most of my time waiting. Casting is such a long process, and a process you need to have skill in – otherwise you make a lot of mess (trust me). Not only is the casting a long process, but you normally need to repeat it two or three times before you get an ideal cast.

When you have no time to spare, and all you have is spare time – you get a little nervous. Here comes a roller-coaster of stress filled excitement. Which i am kinda looking forward to, as Andrew said – its a celebration! And i want to have something to celebrate!

So we had our assessment feedback, turns out that not a single person on my course is on the way for a 1:1. The course directors have decided to give a 2:1 as the highest grade, so people don't become too relaxed about the last couple of months. To be honest, the amount of stress people are under at this point in their final year is great enough – a little bit of encourage would be very well received right now!

I understand the lecturers view point, the fact that they don't want people to use this assessment to try and argue their grade higher once they graduate. However, i'm sitting here now confused as to whether all my hard work is a 1:1 pretending to be a 2:1 for now, or if it is really a 2:1. Feeling a little bit fragile now.

So after that mind boggle, i attended a talk by Brian Catling being held in the university. I had managed to gain a tutorial slot with him in the afternoon, which i become pretty excited about after his talk. He uses multiple mediums, ranging from poetry to sculpture to performance. And with the performative aspect in my video installations i was eager to talk to him about those aspects in my work.

Brian was a real encouragement (perfect timing!). He pointed out photographs of my work that caught his eye. Having someone completely external come in, open minded and fresh to your work, you get such positive and honest responses. For example he had pointed out one of my black and white photographs and said that it is worth thinking about re-printing them for my portfolio. Which is a piece of work that my lectures hadn't given much credit to previously.

I'm going in tomorrow to get my rubber moulds ready for casting, and to have a tutorial with Tim Davis – i have some new directions i am thinking about taking my work.

There's some photos of my studio space today, and a close up of the pieces that caught Brian Catlings eye.

The interview itself went well enough, i had a good feeling and had really enjoyed myself. I arrived to the interview about 40 mins earlier than my time slot, so i sat and had a couple of teas and chatted to some of the people working at Safle. Found out that the interviews were being held exactly the same as they would have been for an artist presenting a commision or idea to Safle. Which i was really pleased to hear! This really was going to be a valuable learning experience for me.

I felt my presentation was somewhat poor, i had rushed it, and hadnt been able to get any practice runs in. Mainly because i was working with my art right up to the morning of the interview.

Either way, i received the phone call Friday night. Saying that they had chosen one of the other candidates for the award this time, but that they had a really enjoyable interview with me. I never know whether to accept statements like that completely, they didnt have to say that they enjoyed the time spent with me – but they are also giving out rejection to young artists (probably for their first time, well it was mine anyway).

I wont lie. I sulked for the whole weekend. It was rubbish, i knew the chance that i had just missed out on. But, a few days on i soon realised the positives to me being shortlisted and the entire experience. They know my name now, and they now my face. And that is definitely something!

During the phone call Safle had also said that they would give me a call in a weeks time with some feedback. Looking back on it now i may have been a little too enthusiastic for the feedback, but i honestly would extremely appreciate it. I mean, i want to know what they think – and i want to improve myself! That phone call should come at the start of the week hopefully.

The rest of the week i gave myself off, i was really at the end of a wire. Needed just to sleep for a few days and eat some decent food. Which staying at my parents allowed me to do. Plus, Devon is such a relaxing place.

Got myself a "new" car, mach 3 golf, which is to help me get to the surrounding areas of Swansea for my artwork to develop. Need that first hand experience! Plus, it allowed me to have another drive around North Devon. I have only really started making the connection now, but physically – in the landscape and towns – the North Devon coast line and the South Wales coast line are nearly exact replicas. Would be interesting to bring this into my coal carving – maybe get hold of some Devon quarried materials too….!