Today i feel that 'everything' is resting on my shoulders…. which means that they are also eating away at my mind.
I removed all of my work from my studio space, so now it is void of art. At first the process was a way to be disobedient, to remove myself, to show that i wasn't exactly happy. By the end of it all i was left with only one or two images half-hanging onto the wall, these were potent.
Less is more?
It's time to start cutting down, taking away, removing all the excess information that is not necessary.
I am going to spend the next few days revising my art, looking at the unnecessary and removing it from my portfolio. I feel like i am controlling how people view me as an Artist. Producing and editing an identity, something i have no enjoyment in at all. Since when was the Artist a Rockstar?
On top of this my good friend "health" and "safety" and their partner "ethics" dropped by today!
The performance piece i had planned in the gallery window could potentially be 'forbidden'. Health and Safety – because of the exposure to the public during certain hours. Ethics – a girl, on a bed, in a window screams the Dutch prostitute scene (which i very much disagree with). After a chat with one of my lecturers i feel that i may have changed his position on the performance. So i haven't been officially told i can't (yet).
The strange element of this is…. that the performance is part of my EXTERNAL ELEMENT for my major practice. Which needs to be EXTERNAL (away) FROM THE UNIVERSITY. Yet they still feel they have the almighty power to control what it is i do.
I am honestly confused about how, (honestly HOW!?), this is meant to grade me as a practicing Artist.
I cannot wait for the day when i am not forcefully attached to the University, then i won't need to waste my energy constantly accepting that everything i do reflects on the universities image. Yet any other student, on any other course, can go about their life outside of the lecture theatre without worry, concern or repercussions.
I think i am less likely to have problems if i change it from a 12 hour performance to a 4 hour performance. And if i do not invite people to view the piece, and instead use it as research.
My heart is feeling so heavy.
