THIS IS NOT ME!
I need to break this… step away from… get back to Bo…
I’ve always written to release. I was told time ago that it’s a great way of clearing the decks. This has proved to be the case. I write every night. Leave the day behind so I can start afresh each day… as taught… a record/history for my girls… frustrations… mistakes… joys… hopes… experiences… and yes… the occasional feeling.
But I’ve never written to show before… except that essay or research for assessment… even my sketchbooks are private and closed… until this blog…
No point writing unless it’s honest… language of the heart… this ain’t no essay, research or paper for debate or speculation… I bore myself when it gets morbid… Sympathy is for the weak…
And yet… I wonder what the reader finds here? How does this translate? What images does it create?
I love reading. I love text and books. Words secrete as many visual depictions to me as images, hand crafted by artists…
I never thought I’d consider writing of departing teaching… I’m not a man who runs away from a fight… but… I like opponents that can debate reasonably… support their point, or at least follow the Queensberry rules… It’s the cowards way to fight from a distance on unsubstantiated evidence… to point the finger and suggest wisdom unsupported by relevant fact…
I’m not alone… http://adarkwhimsy.wordpress.com/2014/02/05/life-lessons-fear-of-failure-and-why-i-left-teaching/ … Thank you…
The artist…
Ah… the artist… That’s where the obvious escape lies… little by little it’s siren call taunts me… suggests a better alternative…
And that’s where I’m moving to… taking opportunities as they arise… engaging more fully in the drug – stuff the consequences to the sacrificed time from teaching…
This is where you put me…
Is that right? Do I disgrace the profession? Have I failed? Will I be deemed to be beaten?
I cannot win this dual… I’m outgunned… Nor can I yet “lay down” or walk away… that masculine pride that cares not just for reputation, but pupil progress… won’t accept defeat…
Besides… the corrosive erosion and doubt of ability and self… can’t be allowed to go on…
This is not a resignation letter…
Appreciation Mr Gove… goodwill… a little recognition… goes a hell of a long way… as artists, isn’t that what we crave? I don’t believe hard working, dedicated teachers are really any different… Why ignore your best assets? Do you honestly believe that any one of us wants to fail our pupils?
I wasn’t born a teacher or an artist. I had to work bloody hard to train in both disciplines. Is it logical to suggest that once I got there I’d sit back on my laurels and look for easy options?… That I wouldn’t want what’s best for my students?.. Pass on my hard earned passion?.. Is that the precedence my actions portray? It takes time and dedication as well as a huge amount of bravery to produce work for display… to present… to stand in front of 30 pupils, 6 times each day…
You belittle me… my peers… my profession…
Why not motivate me?.. Convince me of your argument?.. I’m now your disaffected, disruptive pupil… Tell me please… How will you bring me back on side? Will discipline alter my attitude?
I want to draw and doodle… your ill-prepared lesson doesn’t engage me… I have other interests… convince me that I should pay attention and not peruse those instead… make me feel… fire my passion…
I’ll give you fifty minutes… one lesson… I might send in one of my peers for twenty minutes… see what they think…maybe you can alter their opinions too…
