The Beginning of the End…(of the beginning!)

As mentioned in my previous post I have recently been exploring scale. Over the past week or so I managed to get some images printed at A0. I was trilled with the outcome for several reasons.

Firstly, (I feel slightly embarrassed admitting this) there was a real sense of achievement. I have never been taught photography, Photoshop / Lightroom- Over the past three years I have developed these skills through my own enquiry; reading lots of books, watching lots of online tutorials, etc. I have not previously experimented with printing macro shots large, so for me to be able to take a macro photograph under difficult conditions, (i.e.:One handed- one hand was completely stitched up!) and for that image to have captured enough detail to be able to be scaled up to A0 without losing any of that detail- for me this was a huge moment! Trivial as it may seem- for me it meant that I had developed my skills which was a huge boost to my self confidence. As a student there is a constant battle with self confidence. You spend so much time trying to build it up, then you find it, then you question / doubt it and sometimes you may even lose it (or is that just me?!) So for me to feel that sense of achievement after lots of ‘failures’ was great!!!

I think the enlargement is successful for several reasons. That immersive quality I have been searching for is there. Where it is there in it’s entirety so that I feel completely content is questionable- but it is definitely there. Secondly there is a transformative quality that I hadn’t really expected. Visually the image has an architectural / monumental quality- particularly when the fingers point up. There is also a sense of the familiar also being unfamiliar. The recognisable body seeming alien due to it’s scale. For me it has been fascinating to listen to the conversations that now take place around the enlarged works. They seem so much more engaged with the works. I had got used to people seeing the smaller images hung up in the studio and reacting with disgust or unease. The large images provoke a different reaction. People seem to engage with the formal qualities. They are able to look without disgust informing their opinion. Some have even compared the stitches to text! I am concerned that the image could become decorative. I want to find the balance between the ability to look without presumption, but also sensing that unease- mainly because of the source of the original concept. The idea of an adult acting out those repressed behaviours of exploring the body as a child without consideration for consequence- to me this is fascinating- but the juxtaposition is uneasy in it’s nature. I don’t want to lose that.

Going back to people finding it easier to engage with the large images- this surprised me. I had expected the larger images to be more ‘in your face’ and maybe more jarring. This presumption lead to a realisation on my part with regards to my creative process. I realise that due to the conceptual element of my process, I often overthink an idea and kill it before it has even been explored. I occasionally think it to the end though presumptions of how the outcome will be. I suspect this type of thinking is what has lead me previously to the dreaded BLOCK that us creative types live in fear of! Admittedly the blocks I have had so far have been nothing that a five minute tutorial haven’t sorted. But…I am aware that I will soon be out of HCA and will need to work through these situations myself. Surely this realisation will help? By recognising what may be a limiting thought I can attempt to stop it in it’s tracks. I need to remember my tutors advice that we only ever need a first step. By only ever having a first step we do not run the risk of limiting our outcomes. We are able to work freely. It is the surprises and mistakes that often uncover hidden treasures that we would have missed had we followed the set format in our minds. Thank you Alli for that nugget of wisdom- I will try to remember it and take it with me when I leave HCA!

Test Strip for A0

I have been working on the finger stitching work for a while now and had begun to feel stuck, like it had reached a point where it had become stagnant. I felt like I no longer really felt connected to what I was doing. I had played around with the idea of just not doing it anymore but then that just felt like running away. So, I began asking myself- why don’t I feel connected? I think part of the reason was that throughout this work I have had to develop new technical photography skills, which not only slowed the creative process, but also meant that my focus was on the technical aspect of the work; not the critical engagement. I realise that as soon as that happened, the connection between myself and the work weakened. I was not engaged. Not good!

Ruth Claxton came to do an artist’s talk at college and I managed to get a tutorial with her. Having a conversation with someone who was fresh to my work was a really valuable experience. I realised that when I spoke to her about my work I was not only articulating the work to her, but also to myself. I began to understand again what I was actually exploring. Ruth suggested that I might try to push further with the stitches. Up to this point I had just been stitching straight lines. Very neat, very controlled. What would happen in the stitches were to overlap? Cover the whole hand? Connect parts of the hand?

I decided to take these questions on to move the work forward; but there was still a nagging at the back of my mind. To a certain extent I wondered whether my detachment to the final images was because they were secondary experiences. They were not the actual process of stitching. That process is so immersive and I wanted this to come through. I have played with the idea of performance, but I wonder if there really is a need for the presence of an audience? I am yet to actually explore this medium, and I may still explore it; but I have this week began experimenting with the immersive qualities of scale. This week I took some fresh shots of hand stitching in which I really pushed the stitches. Layering up and restricting movement. Today I printed out my first experiment at A1, and I was thrilled. The scale meant that the image became more immersive. It completely altered the viewing experience. I am hoping to maybe take the images bigger again, but as they are macro shots the detail is so important. We’ll see- I just need to give it a go and see what happens. As it stands at this point I am excited about this work again, which after doubting it so much, feels so good!!

I can’t believe, (and am rather fed up with myself) that I have almost completed my degree and haven’t managed to get a blog up and running until now! The past three years seemed to have flown by. I started the degree with an open mind, ready and willing to go with the creative flow and to allow myself to fully explore whatever intrigued and excited me. Everyone else seemed so certain of what type of artist they were / would be. Sculptural, painters… but I had no idea. This sounds like this was a negative experience, but this was thrilling for me. To suddenly be thrust into a situation where I had time and space to explore without a final end product in sight, with no idea of where or how I would start…. this would definitely not be boring and along the way, I hoped that I would really get to know myself as an artist. Well, that was at the beginning, and here I am now; about to start the final stretch to the summer show and graduation.

I must say, that I really feel that resisting the urges of my parents and grandparents for me to paint pretty pictures was a good move!! I feel that by not stepping into a box I have allowed myself to really explore and analyse the concepts that are bumping around inside my mind. By not limiting my materials I have allowed myself to experiment. I have loved each and every moment of this degree, and they will have to drag me out of the building this summer. I don’t want it to end! Not because I don’t feel ready but because I so appreciate the support of both tutors and fellow students; of seeing the creative development of others. Of being in an inspiring environment in which I can explore and experiment freely without fear of judgment. But, like all things it must come to an end.

So, that is a very brief intro to me. To see some examples of my work please feel free to check out my website.

I suppose I should introduce my current practice so that future reflections leading up to the degree show have some sort of context!

My practise is multi-disciplinary; concerned with the traces of human experience. My work has previously explored the transition between sates of sleep and wakefulness, the transformative aspects of life and death and also more in-depth enquiries such as, when does your body cease to be your body?

More recently my work has examined the psychological space in which the boundaries and limitations of the body are explored in a way that is not completely comfortable but also not completely destructive. The space illuminated means that an evaluation, maybe even a provocation of the relationship we have with our bodies and the tensions derived from this experience are presented. I am interested in how the associated cultural meanings of materials inform the viewing experience; how as an artist using my own body I come with my own context, yet the viewer also comes with theirs.

The process of exploring this medium becomes a performative ritual in which time seems to alter. By creating an experience in which my body seems to challenge itself, time passes differently to when completing day to day activities. The way in which a space is created out of experience intrigues me.

As children we often explore the materiality of the body; picking at scabs, printing the patterns of a grazed knee on a tissue, even wrapping elastic bands around fingers and watching them turn blue. This method of enquiry which is repressed throughout adulthood intrigues me. The juxtaposition of the innocence, playfulness and inquisitive nature of childhood against the mortality of the body is a powerful concept; when reflecting back to the moments in childhood where these enquiries took place, I realise that they are not totally noticed or valued. Through my enquiries and by changing the context of child to adult I wonder how those changes will affect the way in which these experiences are perceived.

So, that is a very brief introduction to my practise to this point in time. I would love for this blog to serve as a portal to connect with others. Group crits and tutorials are probably the aspects of college that are of most value to me and what I will miss the most. I am very aware that I need to find a way of continuing this interaction and engagement when I have left college. I hope to do this with fellow students, but it would also be fantastic to find another outlet. Any feedback, critique, suggestions or engagement on this platform really would be much appreciated!