The Beginning of the End…(of the beginning!)

The summer show…What an experience that was! I have to say the past two weeks have been an incredible rollercoaster of emotions- it’s a cliche I know, but so true. Leading up to the show you’re going a hundred miles per hour to get it all looking it’s best and also getting prepared for assessments. And then theres the constant repetitive talking about the work that’s in the show- this affected me in a way I had not expected. I had been prepared for having to attempt to keep my energy up and seem as excited when talking about my ideas on the final day as I was on the opening night; but what I hadn’t prepared myself for was how it would affect the connection to the work in progress- not the work in the exhibition.

Throughout the degree we have been told to let go of the idea of a ‘final piece’. To see ideas as not necessarily answers to questions, but development into a better question. Our fantastic course leader, Allison Neal, (who is leaving this summer also) summed it up perfectly when discussing this recently. She said that she would assume that our artistic research, and the constant chasing of a better question to ask, would end on your death bed when at your final moments you would lay there with the most beautiful, perfect question imaginable in mind! I love the idea this, because it is an ever-evolving, never standing still progression. There is no discovery of what box I fit in / what type of artist I am indefinitely. Everything I say about myself as an artist is ‘at the moment’. There is a real freedom in this. Anyway, how this relates to the show is that to spend the week summing up my practise and talking about final pieces has meant that for a whole week I have been doing the exact opposite to what my degree has taught me to do. As much as I tried to remain true to my desire to keep my feet firmly out of any box- I realise that a lot of the public wants to know what box you are from; maybe so that they can try to understand and contextualise you. There also seems to be a real celebration of a final piece, and that many people from outside seem to see research as a thing of lesser value than the final piece. I think this subtlety is what can often get lost in translation when discussing work with people who are not necessarily directly working / used to the art world. My practise is research based. And so ‘end product’ tends to be a snapshot/ a pause. I think this is the same for any artist really. As a result of a week of talking end results and boxes I have become detached from the concepts I was exploring leading up to the summer show. Yesterday was clearing out day, and whilst it was extremely saddening to say goodbye to the studio that has been my nest, it was great to be reunited with my journals. I have decided that reading through them will be the best way to reconnect.

So, with regards to the ‘what next?’ question, I suppose keeping going and maintaining my artistic practise is my key concern / priority. Sounds obvious and straightforward, but as a mum it is not as easy as it seems!! I am hoping to sort a studio space, which will help immensely, and also to maintain contact with other students to continue those valuable crits that i will definitely miss! I have been offered a place to do a MFA at Cardiff School of Art and Design, which I am thrilled about. I so want to go to Cardiff to widen my Network and to embrace the fresh challenge of working around people who are not familiar with my work. I think that will challenge me in a productive way. The main challenge I face is securing funding for the fees and working out how I will fund travelling from Hay-on-Wye to Cardiff! If there’s anything creative people are good at it’s problem solving, and so I am hoping that I will find a way. If there’s anyone out there with some advice it really would be much appreciated.

My blog has been quiet of late….life has been pretty hectic getting exhibition space prepped and ready to throw open the doors of college to the public. The exhibition space looked fantastic! I know I am biased (!) but I genuinely felt that we did a fantastic job of putting together a really interesting and diverse show.

We finally opened the doors for the private view yesterday- and what an experience it was!! We had a fantastic turnout and there was plenty of engaging conversation to be had. It was quite surreal to finally offer these works, that have been developing in the safe environment of the college studios, up to the eyes of the public. Though surreal- it was also refreshing. To really engage again with these ideas we’ve explored in conversation and to hear other perspectives.

I have to admit that for me, due to the nature of my work, I found this experience initially nerve-wracking. There is a strange sense of ‘coming out’. A declaration of my identity as an artist after three years of exploration. It was also incredibly liberating. I felt proud of my work, and the achievement of surviving my degree as a mother of four!!

To top it off I was thrilled to learn that I had not only been nominated by my tutors for student of the year and also commendation for critical writing, but that I had also won the Meadow Arts Prize. What a night?!

So, I look forward to the next week of stewarding at the summer show which ends on 20th June, (feel free to swing by and say hi if you happen to be in the area!) and using this opportunity to learn as much as I can through conversations with visitors. I will also use the quiet periods to take the time to let it all soak in and contemplate next steps. The plan of action…..where next?!