the first six months…

it’s been rather unusual lately.

i’ve called a time out.

reconsideration of current attitude, position and thinking is taking place.

more soon.

xx

today my blog is a place to out pour, before continuing with developing an idea for a proposal.

it’s a place for rational collaborative discussion with myself, getting the thoughts into the visual domain. and a place to throw words about for the hell of it. i’d forgotten how much of a game of words the fine art world is. heaven forbid we use straightforward english to express, ask and answer questions. leave the quirky English for livers of life 2.0. they really are in a world of their own.

phew, starting to relax now, the inner tension rescinding, my tea looks appealing and worries about the box on the trolley and the bus are liveable with.

my practice is starting to move forward again. the short film submission started to move it again, the exhibition proposal has certainly got it moving. it’s a new sensation, slightly uncomfortable, however there is a general feeling of uncomfortable ness triggered by news at the weekend. that uncomfortable ness is beginning to become invisible as i start to live with that unexpected stage 2 change.

the practice is evolving as i sketch and think and reflect on what i’ve done so far. the initial idea has rapidly developed and all the to and fro activity is settling down into a slightly more clearer picture.

perseverance is the word of the day. long term objectives are fine while the today part is happy. occasionally the unhappy day occurs, and with conversation and a hug and a lovely cup of tea happiness returns.

writing style changes and suddenly i’m readable again. oh well.

jpeg and submission.xx

i sometimes wonder if a blog is a diary. if it is, it’s a place to record inner thoughts, feelings, moods. if it is i can write about not knowing why an ex partner has requested i be told about her hospitalisation after a couple of strokes. i would also add that it came at the end of a week where i had felt distanced from the group i’m on the ma with. we’d looked at an online simulation. the academic usage is for simulating cultural heritage. the wider social/cultural usage is rather unclear and not pretty. just like my life 1.0 in derby.

i’m sitting with some really big life questions at the moment that i’m not strong enough to answer. culturally, is it ok for a man to be emotional, to be phased by things that happen to him? i have not to care about the bigger wider circle, i need to somehow decide some things. i somehow have to have some really difficult conversations, if i’m not to take the desicions on my own.

all of this while still attempting to research and move the practice forward. i do wonder if i’m just pushing too hard. at what point do i stand up and look around. i could ask that as a question however i feel there are too many flying around already.

i’ve had an invite to go to Manchester. it would appear there is a female surrealist exhibition on there. at last recognition for a group somewhat overlooked i feel.(least that’s how the video on the website left me feeling).

i’ve played with an image i’ve taken today. i’m finding colour so culturally and politically laiden with association that i question if ii can continue to make colour images. hang on though, a friend of mine has the right attitude, she simply makes images because she likes them. i start to revisit the notion of using paint to create images. i start to wonder if being in education is the right place for me to do that. especially if the course is entitled digital arts in performance. something is wrong, and i don’t know what to do to make it right.

this week within my possible futures, the car that ate bourneville was mentioned. turns out it was curated by andrew hunt, who i met at a symposium last year at which he mentioned mark mcgowan, who’ll be doing another peanut performance on 15^th/16^th october 2009. i emailed marc last night enquiring as to why he’d selected the music to promote peanut man returns on you tube.

i’m starting to wonder about the ma. i starting to wonder if engaging with an outside institution is such a good idea. i’m starting to wonder if was a good starting point, a place to depart from, something to get the group talking, to fire up ideas. i have a reflective blog for the ma, i feel another entry on that blog soon.

i’ve also got three other projects in the air at the moment. one i’m totally in control of(creatively), and two that are proposal and being accepted driven. i feel excited about one and potentially excited by the other, it’s a case of disseminating a feeling onto paper for a selection panel to read and get excited about.

in other news i’ve been contacted by sue about being involved in an open dialogue. i’ve not been able to get to one of these evenings before, so am very interested to see what happens there.

tea and bike ride.xx

into october and already the cold weather is zapping a battery.

i’ve set up a blogger blog for the ma. the first module’s evidence will be kept on the blog. i’m pleased to have had a year’s experience of blogging with a n.

my thoughts today is to keep this blog going as a reflective blog of the reflective blog. as the ma is part time, this blog also becomes an area for me to talk about all the other stuff i’m doing alongside the research at the vru. i expect that both will colour the other.

i experience times of inner angst. i realise that inner angst is relieved by doing something. this morning i have recorded a minutes worth of video, on my pda of me a kettle and five mugs. i felt good to have done something, it gives me material to work with, a topic to talk about and generally keeps me practicing.

i’m also experiencing using a google doc for the first time, i’ve set up a flickr account and come across a back pack document. most of these i didn’t know that i didn’t know about them. i know about them all now.

pink cardie and needing a cup of tea.xx