the first six months…

into october and already the cold weather is zapping a battery.

i’ve set up a blogger blog for the ma. the first module’s evidence will be kept on the blog. i’m pleased to have had a year’s experience of blogging with a n.

my thoughts today is to keep this blog going as a reflective blog of the reflective blog. as the ma is part time, this blog also becomes an area for me to talk about all the other stuff i’m doing alongside the research at the vru. i expect that both will colour the other.

i experience times of inner angst. i realise that inner angst is relieved by doing something. this morning i have recorded a minutes worth of video, on my pda of me a kettle and five mugs. i felt good to have done something, it gives me material to work with, a topic to talk about and generally keeps me practicing.

i’m also experiencing using a google doc for the first time, i’ve set up a flickr account and come across a back pack document. most of these i didn’t know that i didn’t know about them. i know about them all now.

pink cardie and needing a cup of tea.xx

what have i learnt about blogging in the time i’ve been doing it?

1 it’s best that i make up my own rules

2 i should avoid political rants

3 i should avoid hypothetical issues

4 i like posting lots of pictures

5 generally there’s little feedback.

6 i find it a good way to off load thoughts

7 it’s a good way of making a record

8 now i see i can also make lists on them-a good place to try out stuff

9 i find it better to do a little an often

10 there are so many other blogs it’s difficult to really read anybody else’s, which may account for point 5

11 just because i see connections with words to other contexts, doesn’t mean any body else will

12 i’m best avoiding attempting to write an entry when tired

i’ve been accepted onto the ma digital arts in performance at birmingham city university. i need to engage with it soon as i’m going mental with random thoughts about things to do with it all.

i’m going to be part time, so i can continue engaging with the world around me. as i described today, the end of the ba was like like getting off a bus i’d been on for ages and had no idea where i was. the summer was spent working that out. i don’t want to repeat that experience at the end of the ma.

today i’ve submitted my little film “i’m making this so” to the ted India conference. it’s the first ted conference in india and the first time they’ve invited submissions for the little films between speakers. the theme of the conference is ‘the future beckons’. i’ll add a link to my vimeo page once i’ve up loaded this and another little film, on which i was the editor.

i’m going to attempt to submit a proposal for a short film commission.

i’m very apprehensive about tomorrow’s module discussion. i know it’ll be better once i’ve been through it, if i’m not then i might just have to rethink my extended study plans. that’s me being honest now, for the tape so to speak.

socks and maybe a pint.xx

• 
• 
• 

thank you rob for your encouragement. thank you also for the feedback on the notion of bravery. by doing so i feel i’m sharing those moments of possible futures.

i’ve explained to friends about how my future is influenced by other peoples presents. my future doesn’t yet exist, yet it does for other people. there’s a dr in birmingham who has more control of my future now than me, as yesterday i put my present and past in front of him, well as much as i could in an hour. and in my present a friend is taking her car for an mot. again her future becomes a function of someone else’s present.

by doing the interview yesterday, i now know i really want to do the course in birmingham, wanting to do it more now than i did yesterday, as my present now includes my past. in blogging about it, i’ve shared my past and present and indicated my possible future.

rob’s blog about history is really interesting me. i have become concerned that fine art at an academic level simply makes an artist a keeper of history to wheel out something to amuse and entertain. is there any differentiation between an artist that does that and one that takes something of their own life and expresses it to challenge a subject within the public sphere? maybe yes, those people who intellectually and get the difference. i would suggest that they are in minority, as really clever and intellectual people don’t seem to be commonplace. i hope to work with the dr in birmingahm, his presence is strong and i feel it will be unsettling for me and as such really good for me.

at this point the thread could lead to democratisation of art, which is tricky as the thread of thought for me makes the intellectual a minority, and they are too clever to be left a minority.

i wait here from the dr.

mot and coffee.xx

it’s nearly six hours since the interview in birmingham ended.

with rob i’ve touched on the risk of being myself in an interview. i’ve also touched on the notion of being bullied to be myself when younger.

within the interview i touched upon new media within fine art. it was encouraging for me to have a nod at what i said.

i now have to wait.

i’m not a good waiter.

milk and teabags.xx

i’ve spoken to a dr in birmingham today as a direct result of not enough applications being received by staffordshire university for their ma fine art.

months ago, while still an undergraduate, i added to the why do an ma debate through these blogs. it seemed that it was a way of finding critical discourse to move a fine art practice on. at the time i was shocked that an ma was just a means to talk to people. no one at the time really convinced me about their own advancement.

i now find myself at a point of wanting to advance. i have a meeting tomorrow in birmingham, it’s very exciting and for a course i found by chance. which is nice as i have a growing obsession with the words possible futures.

always within my self i ask myself about what to write here. i feel that revealing my deep inner thoughts is not for a blog but for a person. a face to face, in private. so what does that leave for me to write about here? all the other stuff, yet parts of that feel deeply personal and as such i want to remain private. i wonder if it’s an indication that i’m not quite in the right place for me to waffle on about what a fabulous time i’ve had today. maybe.

maybe i’m just not quite ready to be all open about me.

shower and curry.xx