i sometimes wonder if a blog is a diary. if it is, it’s a place to record inner thoughts, feelings, moods. if it is i can write about not knowing why an ex partner has requested i be told about her hospitalisation after a couple of strokes. i would also add that it came at the end of a week where i had felt distanced from the group i’m on the ma with. we’d looked at an online simulation. the academic usage is for simulating cultural heritage. the wider social/cultural usage is rather unclear and not pretty. just like my life 1.0 in derby.
i’m sitting with some really big life questions at the moment that i’m not strong enough to answer. culturally, is it ok for a man to be emotional, to be phased by things that happen to him? i have not to care about the bigger wider circle, i need to somehow decide some things. i somehow have to have some really difficult conversations, if i’m not to take the desicions on my own.
all of this while still attempting to research and move the practice forward. i do wonder if i’m just pushing too hard. at what point do i stand up and look around. i could ask that as a question however i feel there are too many flying around already.
i’ve had an invite to go to Manchester. it would appear there is a female surrealist exhibition on there. at last recognition for a group somewhat overlooked i feel.(least that’s how the video on the website left me feeling).
i’ve played with an image i’ve taken today. i’m finding colour so culturally and politically laiden with association that i question if ii can continue to make colour images. hang on though, a friend of mine has the right attitude, she simply makes images because she likes them. i start to revisit the notion of using paint to create images. i start to wonder if being in education is the right place for me to do that. especially if the course is entitled digital arts in performance. something is wrong, and i don’t know what to do to make it right.
