This is the Real World

A post every day?

– that didn’t work

Making new artwork?

– that didn’t work

Finding inspiration?

– That didn’t work

I know that I started this blog as a new beginning but it hasn’t quite worked out. I’d sort of forgotten about it and I seem to be falling down a rabbit hole and not in a good way (if there is one).

Today I received my degree in the post. I don’t feel good about it to be honest. I don’t want it. That piece of paper is not me and it feels worthless. I got a 2:2 which I am deeply ashamed of. I am a hard working person and I put every ounce of my being into that course and I got a pathetic worthless degree out of it. And now I’m stumped.

What do I do now?

What do I do with a degree that nobody wants?

I did want this degree. Up until the point that the course ended this degree was all that I ever wanted for a long time. Now that I have it I don’t want it, it seems surreal. To want something so much and then to find yourself lost with it.

I’m lost, I’m just as lost as I was when I started this blog. I have no idea what to do. I apply for jobs, any type of job and I get nothing. No one will give me a job. A lot of my best skills are useless. And most depressingly of all i’ve lost any inspiration I one had.

I don’t know what to do.

Hopefully this will change.

ps, I haven’t bought my graduation tickets yet, I think that also says something.

…

Today being the first of September feels a lot like a fresh start.

After finishing university I haven’t done very much. I want very badly to be an artist and earn a living that way, but I can’t. Especially with where I am and I feel that I don’t really have any contacts with the art world unlike some of the people from my course.

At the moment I am desperately seeking work, any kind of work. A dream job would involve some faint scent of art about it but any work would do. My problem is that I’ve spent the past 4 years making and focusing my energy on that, so I have little to no experience in a working environment, therefore no one will employ me. This job hunt has really influenced my artwork, in other works, the lack of artwork. I haven’t made anything since my degree show. I hate myself for this, I’m a very self-driven person and somehow I’ve lost that.

So today I’m turning over a new leaf, I’m making something, anything. I need to get back to making. Last year at this time I’d have been making but I’d have also have been at uni.