This year’s progress

This last week has been a very busy one. After being away from my artwork for a week I had four days to get my piece for the Jerwood drawing prize entry finished. I bought it home so I could get on with it at every avaliable minute and it did turn into a hazy four day stint, getting out of bed, straight down stairs picking up again what I felt like I had only just put down at 11-12 the previous evening. Back ache and sore fingers, it was an intensive stretch. I felt the pressure of time closing in and by the third and fourth day I would hardly stop for a drink or the toilet!

But it did get done and although there are some things I wish I could have spent more time on, I am pleased with it. It was my second house drawing and I have made some real changes compared to how I made the original one. I used thinner material and made it bigger. I also had decided to make my childhood home, which I was reluctant to do before. I think this was because I thought it might make it too personal but that was silly really, it seems houses are personal. They build a relationship with you as much as you with them. I found it intersting to see how all the different spaces which evoked different memories and associations in me, became a jigsaw, fitting together and making each space possible…how the gap over the stairs became part of my mum and dads room, how the chimney pushed into my room, how my room breathed in it's width to give my sister a little more room in her tiny little bedroom and how the old space under the stairs where the dogs used to sleep, backed on to the back of the fire so they could have a little extra warmth. Mapping this space made these thoughts rife within me.

So now that is done and out of my hands I am getting my submission for the Surface Gallery ready. I hate waiting to hear about things, I am pretty desperate for a diversion from my internal analyzing of what I did and how it might be received. It is agony and completely pointless, so as I feel is the only answer to my fear of the judgement…I move on to the next application.

I haven't been to the studio for over a week as I've been doing over time at work so feeling a bit behind things. This week I've got to finish my piece for the Jerwood and think about sending off my entry for the Surface Gallery open exhibition. I hate spending this much time away from doing my work. I did bring some home and have been fitting it in around work but it is very frustrating, especially when the shop is so quiet and I feel like I'm just hanging around all day.

One of my old uni friends is going in for the Jerwood as well. It is the first time either of us have entered so it's really hard to gauge how likely we are to get in. It's always worth a try though I guess. He was feeling down when we spoke because he had not had any success with the acme funding. All this searchng, applying, putting yourself forward, it's pretty hard to take when you care so much about what you're doing but it can't be plain sailing. Failure is character building, isn't that what they say? It makes sure you believe in yourself though because if you weren't convinced yourself, I think you would find something else to do before long. Just getting on with it, seems the best thing we can do at the moment.