Not a lot to report for last week. I was working on a new piece at the studio most of the week. It’s a flat wire drawing outlining a particular view of my studio. I have suspended it in front of the studio scene, so it overlaps the scene. (It’s hard to explain and I’m really not sure how or if it works at the moment). It is one of those pieces that brings out exciting ideas and has got me thinking but is yet to be there in any real way. I need to keep working and working at the idea until I uncover how it might progress. Sometimes it really feels like excavating an artefact when I'm working on an idea, very slowly and delicately uncovering the thoughts that lead on to the next; extremely frustrating at times. I have found that so far it is only something that works when I photograph it and have that set view, and then it is quite strange to look at. I’ll keep going with it.
Apart from that I’ve been going over all the opportunity pages looking for what’s going on and what I can apply for. That seems to be the main constant cycle in my life… scan the pages, apply, wait….scan the pages, apply, wait….scan the pages, apply, wait…. Is this the best thing for me to do? Galleries?
I have felt low this week… I can only describe it as- not feeling human. Sometimes I feel that doing this leaves me standing outside real life, balancing on the brink of unsustainable, irresponsible, or maybe completely deluded. My paranoid feelings that there is an underlying opinion on every ones lips becomes like criticising voices whispering inside my head! (not in the mad sense, although I do wonder sometimes) As I sat in the passenger seat coming back from London yesterday, staring out at the rain, my mind wandered away from my usual train of thought (my work, possible opportunities, next week at the studio etc) and instead started trailing off to new scenarios… getting a regular job, nurturing my more practical skills, getting better at maths, being ‘normal’, doing something that people don’t want you to justify, something that explains itself through simple payment. I try to repel these thoughts but of course they happen.
