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I believe I can be fairly ambiguous in what I produce visually… and I like that.

Maybe it’s because I’m new at it, but I wasn’t prepared for how songwriting truly reflects your nature… actually, by “your” I mean “my”.

 

I have chosen to spend some time developing the songs. I had a couple of things to prepare for, a couple of deadlines and the like, but now they are over. So I decided these sound pieces and songs and what have you, needed some dedicated concentration.

 

I now have about 8 songs – wow! how did that happen? Three are completely finished and up on soundcloud for anyone to listen to… I’m proud of them! The others are in various stages of completion. A couple are collaborations, and have various levels of input from my fellow Circle members. But if I listen to these songs, I think they have a certain character, a certain me-ness about them. “Well, Durr!” some of you might say… well, yes, but what I hadn’t expected was this feeling that pervades them all. They all have a disturbed, worried nature about the lyrics, and/or what I do with the sounds. The latest one really brought this into focus. We were looking at songs about sex. Great, thought I! Something up-beat, sexy, throbbing rhythm, arousing… ooh yeah baby!

No.

Apparently not.

What I’ve ended up with is this black-widow-eats-mate-serial-killer psycho thriller deal. Not particularly sexy. Quite scary.

I do wonder what it says about me….

I tried to write something cheerful and funny, but it turned to the ashes of cynicism in my mouth, irony and ridicule dripped from every line. Can’t do it.

It has exposed parts of my psyche that I would probably have preferred stayed hidden. My dark side is in my art, it seems. I think I’m quite a cheery, optimistic person on the whole? But I do wonder, if I wasn’t an artist, with the means to express all this, would I be some sort of violent criminal?

 


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Not blogging for so long has been interesting, for someone who probably blogs every three or four days.

Marion Michell tweeted she was glad of the break, to reflect (you see we haven’t been able to stay away from social media).

I have been reflecting, but reflecting more on the role of the blog in my work, rather than what I would have been reflecting on, if I’d been able to blog.

On the first anniversary of my blog (I’ve just passed the third) I was interviewed for an article. In it I said this:

AB: This interview marks the first anniversary of your initial Artists talking blog. What motivated you to start a blog and what keeps you interested?

ET: It was actually suggested to me by one of my MA tutors. She was probably thinking I talked too much and needed another outlet for all the whittering on! I thought I’d just write stuff like “Today I went to the gallery and saw… and I thought it was rubbish/excellent”. I wasn’t prepared for the conversation, the sense of community that is here. If I am pondering a piece of work, or full of angst about the way it is being read, I slap up a photo and ask. People seem genuinely interested and understanding about the fact that sometimes you’re not sure. They offer advice, and it helps.

That has been the best thing. It’s that that keeps me interested. At first I wondered what on earth I would blog about, but I don’t seem to have any problems there, there’s always something to say. My practice is a bit all-over-the-place… textiles, drawing, sheds, and recently the sound and music work that I’ve been doing with Dan Whitehouse www.dan-whitehouse.com. Writing the blog has turned out to be a good way of seeing all these disparate parts as a whole.

(The full article is here if you want to read it, but I feel it is a little dated now – a snapshot of where I was two years ago: http://www.a-n.co.uk/artists_talking/article/2228643 )

 

That mostly still stands true. But I think the process of writing is actually now more interwoven than ever with my thought processes. The answer above explains the blog as superficial to my practice, an online crit, a networking tool even.

Now, language and thought are closer. They feed each other. I read back my own thoughts and see them more clearly. I write as I speak mostly, which is why some of the sentences are a bit clunky. But I try not to edit that. Sometimes I see the ludicrousness of my reasoning. Sometimes it is pointed out to me (Thanks, Bo, that’s not changed much, although is perhaps less frequent these days?)

I describe my practice above as all over the place. I saw all the bits as separate, but linked by me… I tend to disagree with that now. Whether that is because it has developed, or whether I have thought it through and see it differently, I’m not sure. Now I see my practice as layered and multi-facetted. Each medium I use shows a different angle, with a different voice, but the things I am thinking about run through it all… drawing, stitching, sound and song… the same obsessions crop up over and over.

The pieces/media aren’t separated now, but leech into each other… affected by each other. I think what has helped with this is the year of collaborative work with Bo, thinking about my stitches and their reason for being. One outcome of that process was the discovery about how people (and stitches) affect (infect?) each other, the traces we leave on each other, our strength in numbers. This relatively new feeling about how it works lies easily, stitch alongside sound exactly the same… affected, and each strand made stronger by the presence of the other.

The blog is just part of the big picture. Not merely a record or documentation, but it is another strand, and is the microscope that has helped me see how it all works. The blog is where the understanding lies.

 

 


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What Aristotle Did On His Holidays

 

I’m suffering from Blog Withdrawal Symptoms. As soon as the site is back up and running, I will post, then gasp with relief. Having done this writing at least once a week for the last 3 years, having it pulled out from underneath me feels awful. I seriously think the effects of this downtime on the serial, obsessed blogger has been underestimated. A-N should have set up a 24hr helpline or something!

 

Anyway…

If it had been up and running, I would have written this. Well I did write it, I just didn’t post it, well, I did, but only just, and not at the time. Timey Wimey…

 

 

 

Artist statements…

I am crap at them. I seem to manage a sort of “What I did on my holidays” crossed with “What Aristotle did on his holidays”. Given this, and my hatred of arty bollocks, I end up deleting, copying, pasting, and starting all over again.

What I have taken to doing, and she doesn’t seem to mind, (or at least she hasn’t said so yet) is I write what I want to say, in all the aforementioned awfulness (I have had to swallow any embarrassment out of necessity), then send it to Franny Swann.

 

What I would love to be able to do, is write Artist Statements like I blog. But can you imagine what that would be like? Look at the last sentence in the previous paragraph for goodness sake!

 

Anyway… Franny seems to be able to filter all the dreadfulness through her brain, and write it how I should have written it in the first place. I re-do it a little, so it is my words really, but it is the tone and structure I don’t seem to be able to do. My English teacher would be horrified, but my MA tutor wouldn’t be surprised at all. I think I have worked it out though, I think I know what the problem is. I think it is because I can’t be arsed. I can’t be arsed to apply my brain to something I am perfectly capable of doing. Part of me thinks it is false, pretentious and well… bollocks. But I need to be able to do this. I need to be able to do it unassisted, and get where I want to. I haven’t had enough practice at it. Because I am old, people expect that I can do it efficiently and succinctly. I don’t have enough experience. In my practice, that doesn’t show (I don’t think). But it shows in my statement writing. So, one statement at a time, Franny is teaching me what I should already know, so the join doesn’t show!

Thanks Franny!


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I’m supposed to be writing a proposal, but a little tweety bird told me the new site was up and running, so I abandoned that to come and explore.

I have been writing while the blog has been down, so over the next few days I’ll post those one at a time…

It all looks great, and it’s good to be back!


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