Threads

Interesting…

Having been totally overwhelmed by the whole job thing, with just one afternoon left to do, I find myself thinking about my own work again. I read Marion Michell’s blog

( www.a-n.co.uk/p/2157883/ )

with new thoughts, prompting me to look more deeply at my own thoughts, finding I again have the capacity to do so. I look at the garments, and fragments of garments, and hints of garments, they prompt memories, and they are occasionally false… and sometimes hold evidence of truth.

EVIDENCE… proof… available information… traces… beliefs upheld…

Evidence of what?

The layers of fabric I stitch become evidence of love, the more layers, the more protection I offer my child, the more I love them. And yet it is a paradox, as I disable them with the stiffness of the layers.

It is about the show: “Look everyone! See how much I love my child!”

EVIDENCE…

The word is also relevant as I handle and work with these bras.

Evidence of self-neglect?

Evidence of poverty?

Evidence of a level of self-unawareness rather than self-neglect?

Modesty? A virtue?

I have been avoiding the issue of sexuality in these pieces. First wanting to explore the self-ness… the intimacy of how the wearer feels about themselves. There is not an asexuality, more a denial of sexuality in these garments…

But I run their imagined lives through my own mind, through my own filter of middle aged woman head…

What was this bra finally discarded in favour of? What replaced it?

Was this hidden from a partner? Does the partner care what the bra looks like?

Can I find evidence of love in these garments if I look hard enough? Love, desire, lust, passion, affection don’t disappear with poverty do they?

I am being presumptuous. I am only seeing/imagining the evidence that fits the stories in my head.

I draw these items, and photograph them as they are.

Perhaps my next task will be to make them beautiful?

and so… one job shrinks, as the other one grows.

The stress of the old fades, as I detach rather more successfully.

The room, as I remove my things and “tidy up” starts to look less like an art room and more like a classroom. No longer mine.

As the children find out I’m leaving, I’m getting slightly damp hugs in corridors, and on the playground.

The new job will expand over the coming weeks: there will be different children (and adults) to have fun with. I can’t wait!

Meanwhile, I’m still a woman waiting… two more afternoons to do. Friday, 3:30, or thereabouts, I will walk out of the school I have known for 25 years.

Feels very weird.

When I look back over this blog, coming up to its third anniversary, there have been quite a few times when I have described a feeling of being in limbo… waiting for something.

Here I am again. I have three remaining sessions at school, during which I am basically removing my personal belongings, resources and so on. The shelves look empty because I have removed the books that are mine, The equipment cupboard has a few gaps in, and there are a few materials too, that I had taken in for Y6 specifically to use for their individual projects… all now reclaimed. I wonder if anyone will notice?

All that is left now really, is to clear up. I shall send the work to the children to take home. No one else seems to be that bothered what happens to it, and at this point I can’t see anyone else spending the time to get it up on the walls.

I got quite upset last Monday, as I went into the room to find a pile of work at the back of the room, looking dishevelled and creased. I have to detach now. My friends tell me it is someone else’s problem. True. And I (mostly) have now detached. But I am sad that actually I don’t think it will be someone else’s problem, because I don’t think I will be replaced. The furniture will be though.

Detach.

Meanwhile, in the middle of Dudley town centre at ArtSPACE is my exhibition. Sorry, OUR exhibition… Bo Jones joins his work to mine again for One(2). Both of us have moved on since ONE last October, but curiously it still works. I might have a bit of a think about why at some point. But it does. Today I had an open studio day. I didn’t have loads of visitors, but those I had were lovely, they stayed for cake and tea or coffee, and chatted for ages.

And on to the new…

Over half term, I start working with the education team at New Art Gallery Walsall. What an amazing opportunity! It is a great place, and the people on the team I have met so far are lovely. They seem very keen to have me there. That feels good.

It is a bit scary to not have a regular (albeit small) lump of money coming in. But, instead of that, I already have work booked at NAGW to cover the summer months. I will earn as much, but over fewer days, and it will be more sporadic. There are many “up” sides to this… I can be more flexible. I can say yes to things. I can say no to things too. The word “freelance” is exciting and terrifying.

I like it.

The exhibition launch was fun.

We had cake, and tea.

So much more me than nasty white wine and nibbles.

It was good to catch up in real-time with Bo, have a proper conversation. Although we were quite busy talking to other people too. It is really good to talk about the work, the progression, the links between the strands, and the perhaps less visible links between mine and Bo’s.

I sold something.

It is nice to see the work up, all in one place. I haven’t had time to take photos, although I think Bo did, so maybe they will appear on his blog sometime.

Next week, I am opening the studio itself. At the moment it is still full of the crap of exhibition hanging… paint tins, tool kits, rubbish… and cake crumbs. So during the next few days I’m going to have a look at my surroundings afresh, and think about whether things are in the right place. I want to put the bra drawings in a more prominent place, as these are the things I want to concentrate on next. I might move some furniture. I might fold away the ironing board. I will vacuum the carpet!

Initially excited by the prospect of opening the studio, I am somewhat reticent also.

It is hard to explain, and I know that some people that read this will understand totally, and that others won’t or might even be offended. To be honest if you are offended I don’t give a sh!t…

I jealously guard this space. It is hard earned. I might invite you in, I might not. It is mine. The frame of mind I am in, and my flow of thought might affect how I feel about your presence. In the short time I have “lived” in it I have seen various approaches. Some people wander in as if it is a shop. It is not a shop. Some people hover at the open door. That’s ok. If you do that I might offer you a seat. If the door is shut, leave me alone, or knock and wait. Everyone except one person has knocked before being invited to enter. The one that walked in was ushered out unceremoniously. A few people yesterday said, *“ooh now I know where you are I can pop in to see you!” This isn’t what it is for. It is not a social space. It is most definitely an ANTI-social space. I read this back and it sounds aggressive, stroppy. I don’t give a sh!t about that either. It’s mine. I can do what I damn well please.

BUT… next weekend, 17th May, from 11-4 it will be open. You can wander in, sit down, look around, talk, ask questions, look at my work in progress, and at the exhibition. I promise I will be friendly, approachable, nice and polite and welcoming. There will be more cake!

And then at 4pm, I’ll shooo you all out and shut the door.

*PS. E and H… you don’t count, but it would be wise to text first!

This weekend sees the start of a one-month long exhibition of my work at Artspace Dudley.

I’m using it as a sort of recent history review. Work shown is a selection from the last 2 or 3 years. I wanted to get all the best bits up together, to see if there was a logical progression, both visual and conceptual, and to see if there were any aspects left to be explored, or any pointers where I go next. The work includes the almost famous dandelion greatcoat, and some of the work done for my MA, which was tutored, mentored and guided to a certain extent, and assessed and judged formally, on to the stuff I’ve done since, which is none of those things.

Actually I lie. It is of course judged and assessed by me… and my peers.

Talking of whom… part of the exhibition is shared of course, with Bo Jones.

He is the most honest of my peers, as he is the only one who continues to question it all, and if he sees doubt or weakness of argument, picks at it until it makes sense, or falls apart. (Damn teachers!)

So there is part of the space dedicated to work done for and since ONE… and in fact this show is titled one(2). Some of the work is obviously linked, other bits less so, but the conversations sit behind them anyway.

I have started to spread work about in the space, and there seems to be a gap… I feel I should show what I’m thinking about now, even though there are no resolutions, no “finished” items. I’m talking about the bras.

And this is maybe exactly why I should put them up there, so that I can discuss them, hear other people’s ideas. I’m not going to write any blurb about them. I just want to hear what people say. But I’m not sure how it will work in the space, how it will look and behave.

Is this a good idea do you think, or am I confusing the crit with the exhibition?

If you’d like to come to see, we’re having a bit of an event this Saturday 10th May 2-4pm at Artspace:

http://www.artspacedudley.com/exhibitions.html

We’d love to see you. I’ll be baking.

And the weekend after, I’m opening my studio for nattering and working too… Saturday 17th May from 11-4.

You’re welcome to either or both!