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I’m not easily impressed, me.

In fact I am rather cynical. Suspicious of motives sometimes.

So here is a tale to restore the faith.

Arts Council England gets much criticism. Some of it is undoubtedly justified. The application process is tough. Grantium as a piece of software is a nightmare for most people, impossible for some. However, their one-to-one on the phone service is marvellous. They have wonderful people working for them. I hope these people are well paid and happy.

As well as being cynical and suspicious, I am also rather determined and bloody-minded. My thoughts have always been that ACE have money to distribute. They HAVE to distribute it. So some of it might as well be to me. And indeed, some of it already has over the last few years. So I have been rather dogged in my attempts.

This is a tale of determination on my part, and of openness and helpfulness from ACE.

In April 2018 I made a submission which was rejected. As is natural I was very upset about it, but after stomping about a bit, upon re-reading I realised they were right. It was far too complicated and unclear.

It took me a while to get my head in the right place, due to all sorts of art and non-art reasons. A year later I submitted a leaner meaner project which was also rejected, but this time the feedback was rather more positive. They commented on the bits they liked, and told me that although it was considered fundable, there were areas of my application that were weaker than others they were considering at the same time. Fair enough. They only fund 40% of applications, so I’m fine with that. I was encouraged by the positive, addressed the negative areas and resubmitted in June. 

This time it was rejected, but with feedback saying I had not met the criteria. WTF??? At this very moment I was in the middle of hanging my work for Cause and Effect, so decided I didn’t have the headspace to complain, or ask for an explanation, but made a note to get back to it as soon as the exhibition was over.

I didn’t have to wait though… three days later I had an email from Keir Gill who is Senior Manager of Compliance and Improvement saying it had come to his notice that I had received conflicting feedback for my application. I was absolutely gobsmacked that someone had noticed, and got in touch so quickly! He was unreservedly apologetic, and extremely kind and understanding of my frustration. We had a short exchange of emails with a few questions from me, but basically arranged to have a telephone conversation after my exhibition, to go through things.

In this initial phone call, which lasted about 45 minutes, he assured me that my second application DID meet the assessment criteria, and that it was indeed fundable… and if I wanted to resubmit he would be very glad to go through my form with me to give me the best possible chance of success (being very careful to say this was not guaranteed). Well I would be stupid to say no to that wouldn’t I?

What he also offered was an opportunity to send a draft for him to check before I submitted. Again, I’d be daft to say no! 

So at the moment, I have submitted it again. With all the suggestions followed, and edits made. I have learned loads about their process in the doing of this, and whether I get this project funded or not, it won’t take that away, it’s been a valuable experience.

I wanted to blog about this before the result, because I feel it was important to acknowledge the efforts, without being overly influenced by the result.

I have been extremely impressed by Keir and his good-natured responses to my questions, and his super helpful attitude. Throughout the whole conversation it was clear that he sees these projects as important. That fairness and clarity and transparency are of the utmost importance.

Thank you Keir!

And so, for those extra cynical people like me, who doubt things, be reassured that ACE are doing a good job.

And if you have a project in your head, apply for funding, ring them up, ask for advice, they’re lovely. If it gets rejected, read the feedback carefully and try again. You never know, you could be in the 40% that gets a yes. But you won’t if you don’t try.

The weird out-of-body out-of-control feeling continues…

There’s a sensory shortfall… I can’t quite see and I can’t quite hear…

The air feels thick as I walk through it.

I watch my hands draw. I watch my pencil binding those ever tighter lines, constricting and strangling the alien paint clouds.

I feel like something is trying to catch up with me and I can’t run away.

But there’s also a sense of shrouded optimism… if I can just get through this bit, just hang on a bit longer… it’ll be ok

Some days the drawing just doesn’t get drawn.

After the exhibition I thought I knew what I was going to do for a while, but this morning it just isn’t happening. My eyes feel weird. I think it’s something to do with my new(ish) varifolcals… but I can’t be sure. Maybe it’s just my head… and I’m quite tired.

The drawing I’m doing just doesn’t feel right or look right. It’s the wrong colours, the wrong shape and it doesn’t seem to flow.

I was itching to get into the studio this morning but there’s something just a bit off-kilter.

This happens doesn’t it?

I ask this to seek reassurance I suppose. I’m always going on about the natural ebb and flow, I’m very reassuring talking to other artists. It’s a natural thing… blah blah blah…

I’ve put some more paint over the paper. That’s made it worse. Maybe I’ll try to wash it all off? Maybe I’ll leave it till tomorrow.

There are all sorts of other things happening in my little shrinking world, and I am sure they are having an effect. I had thought they would have an effect on the drawing, as that’s the thing I’m always going on about… but this just feels weird… displaced… a bit… awry… almost out-of-body…

Anyway. I’m going to take off my glasses and lean back listening to The Unbelievable Truth until Ian arrives for a rehearsal. A bit of singing might set me straight…

…. added three days later:

It did. It always does.

I’ve not been into the studio since really… other than popping in to fetch things and chat to Sarah. Had a day with my friend Jill yesterday, always restorative. Then a day with my husband today. We often have to remember to do that, so we put it on the calendar! Otherwise I’d squirrel myself away in the studio and forget the rest of my life. Not good.

I shall have a little bit of studio time tomorrow, and a bit on Saturday, but then probably won’t be in there until late next week. I’m hoping when I get there, the awful work spread out on the table will either look better for my absence, or it will become obvious what I have to do with it.

I am aware that I’m not posting as frequently. This is because there are many things occurring either in my home life that I won’t be blogging about, or in my art life that I can’t blog about just yet. There’s a doozy of a tale waiting to be told, it just needs to unfold just a little more before I can!

In the meantime, do check out the music part of my life:

www.sitting-room-band.com

I’ve had a couple of days away in York. Much needed I have to say.

It’s refreshing being somewhere else, away from the domestic and away from the studio for a while. But not too long.

I’m now itching to get back to it. The exhibition was a break in making, and so was the mini holiday with family, and an unexpected trip to York Art Gallery to see Sounds Like Her… an exhibition of women artists using sound in a variety of ways. Opinion was mixed, and it was discussed… I’m still filtering much and while some pieces were appreciated, liked, others were not. But it always takes me a while to articulate these things.

So… recharged by the change… I return in time for the PV of the new General Office exhibition Face to Face. I’ve seen photos on facebook, but I need to get there to have a good nose…

And then back into the studio.

I have that large drawing waiting for me, and I am wondering if I will look at it differently after the break. I do feel on the cusp of something… showing my work always does that. It’s those conversations that you have… the thoughts they provoke. Some of them confirm your thoughts and others question. Both are good. I’m considering the text again… and the lines, and the forms they delineate…

I feel in need of a good old-fashioned meaty crit!

Here we are then…

My exhibition Cause and Effect is down. Sold works are packed ready to be delivered or collected. The large drawings are rolled up again in the corner of the studio. I feel it was a successful outing for new work. I have learned much about it, and where it sits in amongst the other cogs of my practice.

I have already started another large drawing and it sits draped across and over the edge of my large table.

I started it before the end of the show on purpose, to stop me moping about. I think it worked. Mostly. Although I do think a degree of moping about is natural after a show.

There are also those thoughts of “What next?” I would like to show this elsewhere, a little further afield maybe… pondering where…

As Sarah Goudie said during the talk on Sunday, the show is a moment of pause, a pinnacle from which to look around and figure out what it all is.

I have a few workshops planned over the autumn:

…and quite a lot of gigs with The Sitting Room.

The vibe around General Office at the moment is very exciting! It really feels like we are making our presence felt here. We have had Big Draw events and the studio artists hold all sorts of workshops. Exhibitions and talks are planned well into 2020 now, and this week our grand front stairwell has been turned into a real gallery space, with the help of a load of scaffolding and a huge amount of paint, grey to match the main gallery, and the most intense orange on the huge wall! I can’t wait to see some art on it! Its going to be very striking! The floors still need attention, but we are getting there, and much faster than I had expected. We even have proper signage outside now so it is easier for people to find us!

It is a real boost to be part of a dynamic organisation dedicated to raising the profile of fine art and contemporary artists in the Black Country. I feel very fortunate!

The gallery space is great – light and calm – and it’s for hire if you think your work would look good here, get in touch through the facebook page link above.