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A bit of a recap…

29th January is a first for me… So I’m looking back over the events that led to it with more than a little wonderment and disbelief really, that it should have come about at all….

About half way through my MA (2010/11?) at BCU’s wonderful School of Art in Margaret St Birmingham, I decided for some reason lost in the mists of time, that my installation needed some sort of sound element… A backing track… A soundscape… Music…maybe a lullaby… Yes… A lullaby… In retrospect, actually, I showed too much work… I threw everything at it in the manner of an art student not at all confident in their work. I trawled the Internet for a lullaby, YouTube, soundcloud… Whatever… But could find nothing. I spoke to my friend Dan, who I had only really known then for about a year, and he said “you should write your own!”…. And so I did, and with his generous help, honed it, recorded it, and played it with the work. It was uncharted territory for me, but definitely added something…. Not quite sure what, but definitely added to the narrative of this family of work I displayed.

LULLABY

By the time the finals came around, I had written other things and decided to record another one with Dan, to accompany the work done with children’s clothes. The recording, again in retrospect, was a little overblown, as often happens when you have new toys to play with… But I loved it. The whole process of writing and recording songs, and I loved what it added to the work…. Even though I’m still not sure what that is!

KEEP CALM

In a conversation with my tutors, particularly Henry Rogers (who I think should get some sort of Art Higher Education medal), I was persuaded, if not bullied, into doing a live performance for my assessment. Now… We are talking cold sweat, brown trousers, stiff drink scenario… But I did it. I sat on my own, watched by three assessors, in the dark stairwell at Margaret St. I sat on the third step, accompanied myself with a stout pair of dressmaking shears, and sang my song. I then stood up, still snipping, and walked up the stairs and gradually out of hearing. I ran to the loo and shook for about two hours.

That was the start. I was commended for my efforts, and was quite proud of myself! The recording of this event is crap, but it marks the departure point.

The next leap was to join Dan’s Songwriting Circle at Mac Birmingham. I’ve been there every term ever since. I played recordings I had made, but rarely sang, only for the end of term concert which was basically each other, a few family and friends. Each performance I did at the beginning was an exercise in barely controlled terror, but there was something about it that made me carry on. Not least the instant, positive reactions… You just don’t get that with visual arts…clapping! Who knew?!

REPUTATION

So I carried on writing and recording, and while the earth moved around me, and life carried on unregarding, I got better at it, less nervous, more confident in my voice and my songs. So much so, that, when I got my studio and finished work, an idea had come to me… The Big Idea… To do a series of songs to accompany these bras I was planning to make. I applied for funding to do the songs, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford to do it on my own, and I had already called in all the favours. My application to ACE was successful and Nine Women came into being.

Right up to very nearly the end, I was definitely NOT going to perform live. And again, I think Dan said, “If not now, when?”
So I did it. With Dan playing with me of course, it was brilliant! I loved it! I still thought that the performance wasn’t part of the work exactly, but it was great to do it. My songs, my art, my gallery, my studio, my audience. Once in a lifetime. Had to be done! I received many compliments from unexpected people, and began to believe I could do it properly maybe….

NINE WOMEN VIDEO

Back in the songwriting circle, at least once a term, collaboration sessions happen. I was put into a small rehearsal room with three other writers: Dave Sutherland, Ian Sutherland and Andy Jenkins. All of them have been writing, playing and performing for many years… I felt privileged and slightly overwhelmed… What could I possibly offer these three? I threw some lyrics into the mix, and less than an hour later we had a song. Sometimes, the chemistry and the mix is just right. It was a good song. So, after a while, we decided, with a big push from Dan Whitehouse again, that we should pursue this combination of personalities and skills, see if it was a fluke, or whether we could do it again. We had a few sessions together, and now, a few months later, we have about eight songs worth performing and recording. We have a band name: “The Sitting Room” and would you believe it we have out first gig booked to play these songs in public. It is in an art gallery, which is perhaps my comfort zone, if not the guys’!

A gig. Me. And these three lovely men who shore me up and make me feel not just competent, but pretty good, like I can really do it. I have confidence in them, if not myself… If I go wrong they’ve got me… Which makes me pretty determined to not go wrong.

So… If you find yourself in the midlands, near Redditch on January 29th, consider coming to the inaugural exhibition at the lovely new Artists Workhouse, Studley, look at the art, talk to the artists, and have a listen to the inaugural public appearance of The Sitting Room.

 

 

 


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Sometimes I have to get away…

I looked at the chatter about the event on facebook and thought “oh I wish I lived closer then I’d go!” But then it occurred to me that I could get on a train and actually go. So I very cheekily added a comment to the chatter and basically got myself invited. I found a cheap ticket into London and out the other side and currently find myself in Kent!
The Sevenoaks Visual Arts Forum is presided over by Franny Swann, Rosalind Barker and Sue Evans since its creation in 2009… I am told it began as a studio based crit group and has now grown to over fifty members. The event I attended was a group open exhibition, the evening given over to a selection of the artists talking briefly about the work presented. About a dozen artists speaking for about five minutes each. It was fast paced, up close and personal. Five minutes meant there was no bullshit: This is what it is, I made it like this, this is how it sits within the body of my work, two minutes for questions then onto the next. Great format. Very exciting.
I have come away enthused and having made connections with other people’s work, and insights into the ways I express my own ideas. It’s great how one sentence from one artist pushes into your own consciousness. David Minton (actually another a-n blogger) presented his work… Two large framed pieces about the same height as himself. Monolithic tablets of graphite, painstakingly applied, beautifully textured representations of mother and child-now-adult… Balanced proportions providing a real tension between the blocks of grey that looked like skin. The narrow line between the panels narrow enough to hold them together as if magnetised, yet strong enough to be as wide as an ocean. The marks made into this stunning surface were violent but sparing.
David spoke of the eyes touching and the hands seeing. I can’t tell you what a profound effect this work and his words has had on me, and how I am thinking about the chairs I want to work on. I need to pull back. My thoughts of what I might do to these chairs at the moment are clumsy and immature… Not yet cooked.
If I talk of the touch that doesn’t touch, then my touch needs to be very light….

The other artists spoke with eloquence, humour and honesty. I loved it all, but David was my star, because he made me think of my own touches… And how one small well considered mark might say everything I need it to say.

Sevenoaks is fortunate to have this group. It lives now, having outgrown its humble beginnings, in a gallery space housed in a modern building between library and museum. The group itself is a fantastic resource- a bank of professional artists under one  title. I sensed no clique, I sensed mutual admiration, support and a real sense of how important the arts are in this area and of the value placed upon them. The variety of style, media, and philosophy represented wide and deep. Many other areas could benefit from following this model. It works really well. I don’t know to what extent this is because of the hard work and commitment of its founder member (actually I do, their contribution is huge, and basically free…) but it should be nurtured and appreciated by everyone who benefits from it. Franny Ros and Sue set the culture of this group. It works really well.

I might invite myself to the next exhibition too….


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I don’t really like New Year.

There’s the regulation jollity thing. Actually I find it depressing. Quite often I just want to be left alone, its passing just another day into night into day.

Drunkenness depresses me. Hangover pride depresses me more.

I am reminded of people for whom jollity, regulation or otherwise, is not an option. it makes me feel not exactly sad, but perhaps a little flat.

I also hate the whole resolution thing. If I want to make changes to my life on November 26th, I’ll do it then. Why wait? Resolutions, brought about by a sense of societal requirement and guilt are doomed to failure. Then more sadness and a sense of disappointment and lower self esteem… because we need that, right?

 

Do I sound like a miserable cow here?

I don’t think that I am. I think I am actually generally, quite a positive person, I find joy all over the place… it is what allows me to survive as a professional artist: I have few material needs, and get overly excited by soft old fabrics and pencils arranged in colour order.

But what I strive for is an evenness of joy spreading, not this huge investment (emotional and financial) in one week of the year that will make us feel better and put everything right.

I don’t like Valentine’s day either. Love me all year round or fuck off.

 

However…

 

Due to the planned end of my Arts Council funded project period being 31st December 2015, I am finding myself in a natural state of review and assessment. Coincidence I assure you. I include as part of my practice, regular, possibly seasonal, reviews of practice and progress and planning which involves large pieces of paper and a variety of brightly coloured felt pens. Laugh if you like, but it works for me.

 

I will have to officially review my project for ACE… but then I expect I will wait until I get a new studio to do the next Big Paper exercise. I’m keen to get on with it.

 

This morning I have made an appointment to go look at a studio…

This can’t go on forever…

(I keep trying to upload a photo of my studio packed into boxes, but it won’t load… but you know what stuff in boxes looks like, so just imagine that…)

By the end of February I would like to be in a new space, or if not in a new space, at least know where it will be… Time will tell eh? Life has a way of scuppering plans. But what I have found, because I am getting on a bit now, and have lots of experience, is that the problem with planning is you only plan what you can conceive of. If you leave things open, you find that life chucks stuff at you that you could never have imagined, let alone planned for!

 

What I do know (hope?) is that 2016 will include lots more songwriting with some great people. This is a joy. Not a small joy either, a HUGE joy… Andy, Dave and Ian, I thank you for letting me share in your talent, knowledge and passion over the last few months. I can’t believe what we have done already!

There will also be drawing, and there will be chairs, and there will be stitches…

 

I’ll let you know if anything else turns up!

 


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I did think I was going to write a sort of review of the year, as that seems to be the done thing. But then I realised I just couldn’t be arsed. It was a bloody good year, I got given a big wheelbarrow full of unexpected money by the Arts Council and I spent it doing the most amazing things with other artists and musicians. Pretty damn good. There’s only a tiny bit of it left out of the initial payment, and at some point soon I’ll get the final 10%.

Everything I have done has turned out even better than I thought it would be. I come out of it with more skills and a clarity of vision about what happens next.

I’m grateful ACE said yes, humbled that they thought my project worthy, that I was worth the risk. The after-effects of having that money will be felt for many years to come.

I won’t have a studio after December 31st, but I am at last able to see this as a good thing, and that moving out of the other space was required for my practice to move on. A steadier, calmer approach to finding a new space has sort of been thrust upon me, but pragmatism has taken over… it’s all ok.

I am often frozen by inertia. I am held fast by my comfort blanket. Although the world seems to enjoy throwing stressful changes at me… I have had enough of them over the last couple of years to make me realise that they are the catalyst for me getting my bum into gear. So this is the latest… I have various options… Starting small or throwing caution to the wind…. which?

In the new year, I am going to look at a few places, some cheap, some expensive, some that might be able to generate income, some that won’t, some I can share, some I can’t… some close to home, some daringly close to the city centre… there will be weighing up of possibilities.

But I think it will come down to the first thirty seconds. It will come down to that unquantifiable thing that makes your hairs stand on end.

 

 Apologies to those who like my Audioblog… the house is full of noise and people at the moment. When it goes quiet I will catch up – promise!

 


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