I’m not sure to what extent one should use ones art or ones blog as personal therapy. I have used my work as a way of exploring the relationship between me and my mother, and me and my children. It snuck up on me, but it’s there. Certain behaviours, reactions, opinions become clear. The reasons for decisions made have become obvious. I find I look upon certain things with a kinder eye. This may not be in the work I show (or maybe it is) but it is definitely in the thought processes. If I’ve come to any conclusion along the way it’s that parents do their best (sweeping, generalism I know). Also, awareness is good. I react to my children in this way because… My parents did this because… I work like this because… I teach like this because…
However… sometimes things pop up in my work that I haven’t seen. Unbidden. Exposing things that I might have preferred to be left hidden if I had been aware.
As part of the show ‘n’ tell Wednesday I played my new bit of song. I chose to play just me singing, because I hadn’t yet edited all the other sounds around me.
This is the first piece of work I have shown anyone that is just me. I hadn’t noticed, it snuck past me, but not past eagle-eyed Bo. Everything I have done so far is a collaboration: with someone else, someone else’s clothing, someone else’s words, sounds from another place, something with a history.
This 2 minute recording was me. My words. My voice. My incompetence. I was fine until he told me, but now that’s a bit scary. I’m not ready for it. I shall chop it up, mix it up, in the hope no one else notices that I’ve exposed myself. Not a pretty sight.
