I believe I can be fairly ambiguous in what I produce visually… and I like that.
Maybe it’s because I’m new at it, but I wasn’t prepared for how songwriting truly reflects your nature… actually, by “your” I mean “my”.
I have chosen to spend some time developing the songs. I had a couple of things to prepare for, a couple of deadlines and the like, but now they are over. So I decided these sound pieces and songs and what have you, needed some dedicated concentration.
I now have about 8 songs – wow! how did that happen? Three are completely finished and up on soundcloud for anyone to listen to… I’m proud of them! The others are in various stages of completion. A couple are collaborations, and have various levels of input from my fellow Circle members. But if I listen to these songs, I think they have a certain character, a certain me-ness about them. “Well, Durr!” some of you might say… well, yes, but what I hadn’t expected was this feeling that pervades them all. They all have a disturbed, worried nature about the lyrics, and/or what I do with the sounds. The latest one really brought this into focus. We were looking at songs about sex. Great, thought I! Something up-beat, sexy, throbbing rhythm, arousing… ooh yeah baby!
No.
Apparently not.
What I’ve ended up with is this black-widow-eats-mate-serial-killer psycho thriller deal. Not particularly sexy. Quite scary.
I do wonder what it says about me….
I tried to write something cheerful and funny, but it turned to the ashes of cynicism in my mouth, irony and ridicule dripped from every line. Can’t do it.
It has exposed parts of my psyche that I would probably have preferred stayed hidden. My dark side is in my art, it seems. I think I’m quite a cheery, optimistic person on the whole? But I do wonder, if I wasn’t an artist, with the means to express all this, would I be some sort of violent criminal?
