Today is “Take A Deep Breath” Day.
Things are settling down after my husband’s special birthday (I’m not telling, that’s up to him). My eldest son will be going back to his own home today. Tomorrow I have some prep to do for some work on Tuesday morning, then I don’t have any appointments in my diary for the rest of the week. I am planning, however, to cram in as much heavy duty studio time as I can. Because of the shed, and the end of term songwriters’ showcase, and the birthday, I have been really busy, full of family and full of art and music. I have been rushing about. I have eaten all the wrong things at all the wrong times, for three days in a row seemed to be surviving on caffeine and sugar in their various glorious forms. Enough now!
I need some time in my own head to process and review what’s happened and where to go next. I have a big list, of the usual making, writing, singing variety, a couple of applications are in the pipeline, and I have another to submit soon. I have another exhibition coming up too.
But I feel relaxed about it all.
When I had the job, eons ago it seems, I was not relaxed, I was wound up tight as anything, still trying to get things done, but not doing them well, but doing them half the time because I knew I should, but didn’t have the time to do it all properly.
I know myself quite well I think…
I am obsessive.
I do have an addictive nature.
I have very little impulse control.
I react too quickly and too emotionally, then have to pull back and consider, then apologise.
I’m quite often, in company, too excitable and noisy.
This means, when I get involved in a project, I run at it like a mad woman, I throw everything I can at it to make it work. The adrenalin and the caffeine keep me going and then I crash.
Not having the proper job allows for the crash time… it allows the ebb and flow of my life and personality. So instead of having to go into work after this manic period of creative activity, I really can bring myself down carefully, and build strength ready for the next thing.
In the past, after a period like this, the thought of work at 8:30 Monday morning, and the necessity to be sociable and polite has made me almost (and sometimes actually) cry.
Monday:
I’m off to my studio to make my plans for Tuesday, then immerse myself in some embroidery.
Tuesday: I kick off the Artist Teacher Scheme for BCU at The New Art Gallery Walsall. I’m looking forward to meeting those artists and teachers who sit where I sat 8 years ago. A lot has happened in those 8 years. It feels weird, but right, and satisfying, and useful, to be on the other side of the table.
Wednesday: Studio
Thursday: Studio
Friday: Studio
By Saturday, I will be ready to greet the world again!
