Going back for more…
The Trinity Buoy Wharf drawing prize submission was rejected, so we trudged down to Bristol again to pick it up. My reward being brunch at Gloucester services and a box of posh biscuits.
I had a conversation with fellow submitter Ian Andrews (another large scale abstract drawer) about telling people we failed to be selected. I think it is important to be realistic here. It’s great to be successful and have congratulations and praise for that: but it is equally important to remind others that in order to receive accolades we have to apply for lots of things that don’t make it. These failures are taken on the chin, bounce off our thick hides… right up until the moment they don’t. There’s only so much I can take and then I need a break. I have one more submission in progress, the RBSA drawing prize that I’ll hear about on August 8th, then I’m having a rest from it all. No more admin, no more waiting stress, no more externally applied disappointment. (For a while.)
I’ve been ON and public facing really for the last three years. It has been undeniably amazing but now I need a break from that to just be in my studio for no reason other than to work for its own sake. I need to flick the switch to OFF.
It takes its toll really. I don’t think people get it unless they do it themselves. To be out there is to invite comment. Some is good, some is not, most of the responses are non-responses, the endeavour is met largely with indifference.
So for a while I’m going back in to work. All I want to do is draw. My fingers are itching to immerse myself in the process. The successes and failures are of my own choosing. And I am not going to show the world, other than the occasional pretty picture on Instagram… but I feel the need to keep most of it close to my chest, that’s what will build up the thick skin again.
