This week I was reminded that I should never take for granted the autonomous nature of my current situation. I have a small but independent income, a studio, a house and I can do whatever I want. I surround myself with people I like and admire and respect, and hopefully I get the same back from them. Life is good.
However, a while ago I encountered a situation where I was not in control, I had in some ways allowed control to be in someone else’s hands. And it was a sharp reminder that I shouldn’t work like this. It’s not good for me. I must not allow myself to be flattered or bamboozled into things I don’t want to do, or work in ways that don’t suit me. And certainly not for nothing. Just because I have the skills to do something doesn’t mean I should say yes.
For about a day afterwards I had a knot in my stomach that was familiar. so much so I actually said to myself, out loud, under my breath and through gritted teeth “Hello old friend”. This feeling was why I stopped working for other people and vowed never to do so again. The fact that it turned up unannounced in a situation where I’m not employed or paid, shocked me. I’m not as healed or as strong as I thought I was. Turns out I can’t stand the heat, so I’m gently backing out of the kitchen before anyone notices I’m even there!
Timing and serendipity are everything in the life I lead now though, no timetables, few deadlines, no 9-5, no bells…
On Monday night we (The Sitting Room) played a gig at an event called The Crescent Unplugged, in the Crescent Theatre bar. Managed/curated by Francis Mallon, it is joyful, eclectic and superb. I have to pinch myself that we are part of it. Surrounded by good- very good- live music, and beautiful people, my heart flew! Not least because for the first time since Drawing Songs I find myself in the same room as my producer and co-writer of that project, Mike Clarke. He’s one of those people that you know you’ll have a good time with, and the music will be great, you leave the room with a big grin on your face, and feel good about the world and yourself.
The fact this event followed the other made me realise that it’s all about the people. One person can make a difference, one way or the other. The trick is to be vigilant, not take the absence/presence of either for granted. I have the power to take myself away from the negativity and make sure I spend as much of my time with the likes of Mike C, my band mates, the artists who I can work with happily, not too seriously, and those who facilitate these events. That, balanced with good solid chunks of solo studio time, means I can keep that stomach knotting at bay, as long as I remember this lesson, for the rest of my life!
