ANGRY ANKLE
I’m feeling very angry this morning, mainly at myself for being in this disabled position but also at what I am learning about the world while I am in this situation. What am I learning?
People will readily offer to help and this is in several different ways:
those who readily help and come and ask me if there is anything they can do.
those who offer to do shopping for me.
those who take me out
those who telephone and text me.
But then there are people who:
help when I ask for help- this is hard for an independent person- hanging my washing on the line but leaving it to someone else to bring it in
people who say they will help but forget to do it e.g. putting out stinking dustbin
those who are reluctant to help even when asked.
Then there is the advice and platitudes that are handed out patronisingly:
it’ll do you good to slow down
it’ll stop you rushing round like a mad thing
it’ll make you relax
it’ll stop you doing too much (My grandmother was very hardworking and lived to 102 years old. My mother was 96 when she died after a busy life; my Dad is 91 and is still very active and independent.)
All, this throws me back into being a helpless child unable to direct my own life, have choices, do things my way. It smacks me in the face with ‘We know best for you, do as you are told’.
Last Sunday I went to church with Stella and Mark to hear the first reading of their wedding banns. The sermon was about God saying ‘DO AS YOU ARE TOLD, OBEY ME. IF YOU DON’T, THEN WOE BETIDE YOU’. The story was of a tribe going to conquer another tribe sure that it would be easy, and God saying I am on your side so long as you obey me. However, someone stole something and the tribe weren’t successful in battle. When the thief was discovered, he and his family were stoned to death as retribution and then God was on the tribe’s side again.
And if that is a metaphor rather than a truth, it says to me, the powerful will always keep their power. Step out of line and you don’t stand a chance.
So what would I like from this situation?
people to offer to help within their own time/space limitations
people to ring me to talk about life, adventures and the significant, not ankles
people to come and see me just because I am a friend/relative.
I think it is confirming that the people I live near are as important as the place. I realised this when we were cut off in the snow in 2011. Now I am cut off again though others can come here. The next step is finding my people. The first session on my a-n Re:view bursary round Britain revealed ‘FIND YOUR PEOPLE’.
Who are these people?
those who care about each other especially the vulnerable
those who care about the environment and how we live side by side
those who are prepared to take risks, have adventures and try doing things differently
those who don’t accept the status quo
those who think critically about what they are doing most of the time.
those who do, rather than just mutter in corners.
In other words, those who live at the margins and take risks. Where are you? I’d like to hear from you.
