I’m confused.I think I’ve been confused since university.Before university art was fun, I didn’t even think of it as ‘art’ but now it has this,this aura around it…it can’t just be a drawing or a painting or even just a scribble there has to be some kind of intellectual integrity backing it up.It has to have meaning,Why?I make marks, I respond….no I react to my life and those things that impinge on my soul sometimes by attacking a white canvas with colour marks other times by expressing how I feel through figuritive work.I don’t think to hard about the matterials I use..It is always ‘whats at hand’ So why am I now stuck in some kind of intellectual vapour lock?Every time I make a mark I ask myself why? Why did I use that colour? Why did I place it there? Why? Why? Why? It’s got to the stage that I ask the question before I make the mark and consequently don’t make the mark. Dear reader this may sound like self indulgent b******S to you but to me it’s very real.University took the fun out of art.
Well, it’s been a week since I last updated this blog. I wish I could say that I’ve achieved loads in that week but I haven’t. Work,my wifes 50th and union duties seem to have conspired against me. Of coarse there’s also my own innate lazyness my fear of failure and my fear of success thrown into the mix. Still, I may not have done any physical work towards my goal but I have done huge amounts of mental work. I haven’t stopped thinking about and,on occasion, talking about what I want to do as an artist.The thing is there is nothing linier about my practice. I seem to wander of in all sorts of directions.An example of this happened this week when I felt inspired by found objects.Simple enough when I started,just picking things up that I found on the street,old newspapers ect. Except I started to think for something to be found it has to have been lost and the things I’m picking up aren’t lost there discarded and anyway how do I know that anything I pick up hasen’t been discarded rather than lost.The inspiration for found objects has become mired in an internal debate about what is a found object. This is usual for me and it drives me crazy. On a completly different subject I recieved an invitation from Gallery Gora in Montreal, Canada today asking if I would like to show some of my work, $2700 for a solo show or $275 for a group show.Does anyone know anything about them?
Remember remember the 5th of November,gunpowder, treason and plot and still nowhere to work. Sorry about that I coundn’t resist. Fireworks going of outside, living in a temporary flat while builders try to fix our bathroom and totally unable to think of anything to draw,I just end up scribbling which is enormous fun and childlike but somehow leaves me feeling frustrated as hell.I think that is because there is no reason behind the work,plenty of integrity,It’s honest in that sense.I may have to explain that,what I mean is that you have to have a reason to lie if you make marks without reason does that make them honest? I don’t know. Marks made without reason would be emotionally led,each mark would influence the next but if you are re-acting to the previous mark then that has to be an emotional response.When I use the word lie I don’t me in the sense of decieving the viewer but of decieving myself. I was hoping that writing some of the stuff down that was going around in my head would help to clarify my thoughts…It hasn’t, stream of consciousness…bah. Back to scribbling.
PS. yes Ian we did share a studio, I miss playing darts and eating pistachio’s, I see your in Sevenoaks now, I’m only just down the road in Crawley might pop down and see you sometime
