Tricia’s Art Blog

I will be in Cyprus next week, a well deserved break from the manic activity of the last few weeks. I am looking forward to some uninterrupted art time. No having  to run off to this lecture or that meeting or the hundred and one other things that  have seemed to get in the way lately of actually making art!

It will also give me some ‘head space’ to give some more consideration to the Degree Show. I plan to make two more large canvasses over the Easter break so that when we officially start back I can get to working in earnest. I would like to develop the idea of the Eyes  and also to finish my Words canvas.

The story so far!

Tricia Cottrell: Words in progress: (2015)

Media: Fabric, Fabric Paint, Thread

Dimensions: 119.5cm x 258.75cm

Photograph: Tricia Cottrell 2015

Close-up Detail

Tricia Cottrell: Words in progress: (2015)

Media: Fabric, Fabric Paint, Thread

Dimensions: 119.5cm x 258.75cm

Photograph: Tricia Cottrell 2015

Close-up Detail

During my read – through of the blog, I noticed that I have scarcely mentioned the links between my dissertation and my current art practice.  I decided to revisit the dissertation and to draw some parallels between the themes I discussed there and my own work.

My dissertation began with a quote by Joan Gibbons, taken from her book Contemporary Art and Memory: Images of Recollection and Remembrance (2007)

” The claims that are made and the stories that are told in the name of memory can alter people’s understanding of the world and, of course, alter the ways in which they act in or upon that world.” (Gibbons, 2007, p.1)

She went on to say that contemporary art has used memory in a variety of ways. The particular use of memory that applies to my work and to the work of Louise Bourgeois, Frida Kahlo and Tracey Emin, the artists whose work I explored in my dissertation, is autobiography. That is to say, private memories being brought into the public domain.

Certain works; Destruction of the Father by Louise Bourgeois, My Birth and Henry Ford Hospital by Frida Kahlo and Why I  Never Became a Dancer by Tracey Emin refer to the concept of Nachtraglichkeit, as does my own current work. Loss of Innocence and Words being two examples.

This term was originally conceived by Sigmund Freud in his essay Project for a Scientific Psychology (1895) and means deferred action.

This is when an experience is so traumatic, that it cannot be dealt with at the time.  At some later date, when it feels safe to do so, the memories are used to re-visit  the past as a means of processing the experience with what is felt in the present and brings a new level of understanding.

When I was growing up I thought that the sexual abuse that I had suffered was somehow my fault, and I carried the burden of that guilt and shame inside myself for many years. My ongoing silence led to difficulties with communication and trust, and left me with a complete lack of self-worth which continued into adulthood.

It is only since I began to re-visit those memories and to process the experiences  they held, that I began to see the truth of the situation. Making this work has been a cathartic process for me, and it is my hope that it will help to show the emotional cost to the victims of this crime.

Today I took some time to read through my blog  from start to finish, it was an interesting exercise. By going back to the beginning, I can see how far I have come.

From my first tentative steps at blogging, I have grown in confidence when putting down my thoughts, experiences and reflections.

From this revisiting, I can see that there have been three major events which have been key in my becoming more reflective, more questioning and more considered in my art practice.

• The Whitechapel First Thursday Exhibitions, which brought to my attention the importance of the way in which artworks are displayed and started me thinking about the Degree Show.
• The Marlene Dumas Exhibition, which made me reconsider the direction of a particular piece of work.
• The visit by two students from the Royal College of Art, which encouraged me to question everything.

As a person who is not really comfortable with technology the thought of keeping a blog was, quite frankly, terrifying, but over the last few months it has become one of the most valuable tools in my artistic arsenal. It is a place to record, review, reflect and question and I realise how important this process is for my growth as a practicing artist

I have been working away on the word canvas, without any real conviction since all my questioning about where I was going with it, after the Marlene Dumas exhibition.

Last Wednesday, however,  brought the beginnings of a breakthrough.

Two students, from the Royal College of Art, came to talk about their work and offered tutorials about our work.

I was impressed, and not a little envious, with how articulate they were when describing their work and their inspiration and motivation.

We divided into two groups and each student gave  group tutorials, about our work. The thing that stood out for me was how many questions they asked, questioning, questioning, questioning, to get to the heart of what we were trying to do.  Reflecting afterwards about the tutorial session, I was reminded of  the sessions of person-centred counselling I received in the past, in which the counsellor acts as facilitator. The counsellor asks question after question, enabling the client to get to the heart of their difficulties and  encouraging them to find solutions.

The session with my group’s student, has motivated me to question myself  and my work as an ongoing part of my artistic process.

My group’s student commented that she thought that the  Loss of Innocence and The Eyes canvasses, were the strongest pieces of work.

With the Word canvas, she thought that my approach was too polite for the subject matter that I was trying to portray, which meant that the work was not as strong as the other pieces. I think I was coming to a similar conclusion myself.

I  have made a decision! I am not going to cover the whole canvas after all. I will leave all the words showing although they will still be partially obscured. I think it will better reflect what I am trying to say, which is, that however much victims of abuse may try to cover up the emotional effects of their experiences, they keep resurfacing. Just like an open wound, they keep on bleeding.

The following group of images were taken of my studio space and close up details of the Words canvas: (2015)

Media: Fabric, Fabric Paint, Thread

Canvas Dimensions: 199.5cm 258.75cm

Photographs: Tricia Cottrell (2015)

During my tutorial with David yesterday, he suggested that I may even want to accentuate the words in some way to reinforce the idea of the emotions surfacing and resurfacing. I am liking that idea, no more being too polite!

I am working on the canvas with renewed vigour now that I have a plan. I do like to have a plan, even though I am open and prepared for that plan to expand or change as I go along, I seem to function better with some kind of structure.

A recent trip to the Whitechapel First Thursday Exhibitions highlighted for me, the importance of how art works are displayed. It got me thinking about the degree show and how I might display my work. I will have paintings, and sculptures, how will they all hang together? Should I even try to use them all?
The word canvas has so many possibilities. Should I hang it as a self-portrait, of public face and private pain? Should I take it off the frame and use it as a quilt on a bed? Should I suspend it from the ceiling so it can be walked around? Should I use lights behind it, to illuminate the words?
I guess the answer to all these questions is another question. What am I trying to say, and how can I make the most impact when saying it?

The First Thursday trip was closely followed by another trip to London, this time to see the Marlene Dumas exhibition in Tate Modern. I knew nothing much about her work but some people had said that my painting of the eyes reminded them of her work, so I thought I should take a look. The display called Rejects, had the most impact on me. The wall was filled with portrait heads.

“These ink and graphite images began with images the artist had discarded from another work. It reminded Dumas of the so called reject stores in South Africa where clothes with imperfections were sold. By bringing these rejects together and making visible the artistic process of selection and judgement Dumas was, maybe, making a comment on the way that society accepts some and excludes others. “Excerpt from the Room Guide for the Marlene Dumas exhibition  Image as Burden, at Tate Modern.

“Art is not a mirror. Art is a translation of that which you do not know” Marlene Dumas (2003)

Taken from the Room Guide for Image as Burden, at Tate Modern, as are the following images:

Cover Page: Image as Burden, Room Guide: (2015)

Marlene Dumas: Rejects: (2015)

The images were disturbing to look at and it reminded me of how uncomfortable I felt looking at my ‘eyes’ picture and maybe that is the point. I realised that in my desire to make an aesthetically pleasing image, I have been trying to make what happened to me acceptable to myself by trying to pretty it up. Why am I doing that? The sexual abuse of a child is not pretty, it is not acceptable. I should be trying to show the real face of it; the emotionally destructive, guilt- ridden, shame burdened truth of it.