twelve in twenty

the little an often strategy has got me through the last few months and this week i’ve had to take steps back from everything for a couple of days to see where i am at the moment.

so what is it i see ?

i see several projects being moved forward a little an often and up to now this has been ok.  this week i needed to step back and listen to what i was telling myself.

the stepping back was also a time to catch up on rest.  while working in lockdown it has become oh to easy to over stretch myself – ” i’ll just do another hour…” working on the dining room table means the studio is constantly a few steps away.

there is a difference to when i used the dining table before i moved into haarlem artspace.  then i would pack everything up at the end of the working day.  somehow in lockdown it’s been accepted by everyone that my studio set up stays on the table and if i’m sat here – i’m working. haarlem is in the process of opening up again for studio work, so soon i’ll need to evaluate if it’s possible to move everything back.  getting there is what i most need to be mindful of.

this morning after two days pottering and starting to create a website page for walking through  i woke early feeling hungry, the sun was coming up and the sight of that made my heart sing.

while eating my porridge with mango yoghurt topping i realised the slightly awkward feeling i’d had for a few days was to with needing to concentrate on one of the projects as it has gotten to that point.

the research i’m currently doing has been made possible by an arts council emergency funding for individuals and i’m really grateful to be able to plan for the future through the realising of prism and walking through.

this morning i have a sense of now is the time to concentrate on walking through to get it to a point where i can share it with those who contributed so they can see how i’ve incorporated their words and images into the interactive documentary (idoc).    an important part of the community building aspect of this socially engaged work.

as the sun rises with amelie lens accompanying my thoughts on what would have been a glastonbury weekend i feel ready to alter my little an often strategy to one of lets see this come to life.  i type that and my thoughts turn to why the little an often strategy was adopted and in so doing wandering what it might be like to spend a fortnight just working on realising one work.  maybe there’s a goal to set once what we can do opens up more.

time will tell.

have a great weekend.

within the covid-19 pandemic we’ve experienced another horrendous loss of life in america, i refer to the death of geogre floyd.

i was really embarrassed on tuesday because i didn’t see the black out tuesday thing till quite late – trying to put an application together i hadn’t been on social media platforms.

this morning i feel uncomfortable and i think it’s because of white privilege.  i am white therefore i am part of this.

i’m not sure what to do to resolve my feeling of unease at being white.

when i facilitate i welecome everyone to the session the same.  i sometimes don’t fully understand cultural references.

at home this week there has been a lot of discussion about white privilege – it’s left me feeling i need to apologise for being white and priveledged.  i need to apologise otherwise it’s the elephant in the room.

in researching the death of geogre floyd i learnt that the current american adminstration reversed the decision of the previous administration to “handcuff” the police – the words of the president of the police uniton at a rally in minneapolis last year.

the now chief of police in minneapolis, an african american man, was part of a group who brought cvil action against the police department after their experiences during their training.

of the officer who did the kneeling,  in his other job as a door bouncer he was described as “unhinged.”  is there systemic racism and bad practice within the public office of the current american administration ?  the evidence points to a strong potential answer.

i feel powerless in the face of the emerging fascism in america.

i feel so helpless and useless.