these are words i need to set down in this moment as my mind is a wash with thoughts with no outlet.
this morning i saw a tweet about a man who was not at a football match because since the last home game he took his own life.
we live at a time where the newly developing corona virus is starting to cause concerns and issues – monies being out laid with prospect of the intended return not being realised.
in my own land i’ve tried to raise a flag to alert those around me of m y situation. i really just need to talk, but there’s no one available to listen.
i’m not surprised there’s so much male suicide – any suicide actually – as it’s possible to go for months asking for what you need from others and the others not being able to give that.
anecdotal research needing to be replaced with qualitative work.
the land i’m in at the moment is familiar. historically then scenery shifts and all becomes ok again. there is an orbit though. it takes effort to maintain the same orbit.
what happens when orbit maintaining fails ?
i can only look to others for the answers or the energy to maintain it.
energy from within ? yes. tiring and hinders progress. another circle.
part of life.
perhaps nothing can be done.
apply the support. dig deep inside. be ever optimistic.
try to relax.
try to be in the moment.
feel feet on the ground.
arse in the seat.
the back supporting weight.
listen to breath and a rumbling stomach. cars outside the window.
calming.
slowing.
easing the self talk.
easing the obsessiveness of the finding a solution of the thing that is out of ones sphere. being able to wait. being able to be calm. being able to wait to be heard. to trust that there will be someone who listens and doesn’t take away the thing you want to do.
to be encouraged.
to feel self worth.
to feel a part of a supportive team, where talking about what is problematic is ok and supported.
to carry on, smiling, like nothing actually is the matter … all is ok.
