Are you Roaring?
“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” John Wayne
Have you ever found yourself at a party, temporarily mute, in the midst of a group of cool, elegant people who seem able to communicate and work the room effortlessly? This was me last week feeling tense and oversmiley. Just as I was beginning to wish I hadn’t come, a rather special person managed to engage me in conversation and drew me out of myself. Such was the ease I felt in her company (and I hope she in mine) that we comfortably relayed our histories and I found myself talking earnestly about my passion for art and the ideas that drive me. She completely got it and turned to me in her measured way and said: “Are you roaring?” to which I answered: “I beg your pardon” as I wasn’t sure what she meant. “Are you telling the world, shouting from the roof tops? This sounds like stuff we need to hear. Are you roaring?” I was momentarily stumped because I am not shouting from the rooftops, or even whispering from the ground, I am hiding behind my work because I am afraid.
“Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.”
Charlie Chaplin
I am afraid of heights, deep water, private views, funfair rides, other people’s dogs, flying, root canal work, rats and talking about the ideas that inform my work. I can however temporarily overcome fear while making art as in Fig. 1. flying in a tiny six-seater plane which was no more than a shaky teacup with wings, when mute with fear, I managed to draw the backs of the pilot’s heads and found that the concentration served as a distraction.
If you’re looking for something to be brave about, consider fine arts. Robert Frost
I have not made a properly representational drawing in the traditional sense for some years and the mere thought of it can induce a nervous tic, so I was genuinely apprehensive when I faced my rocks armed only with children’s crayons. Fig.2. my inner voice told me not to bother as I probably wouldn’t be able to do it anymore and in any case, that type of drawing is pointless etc, etc.
But I pressed on and during the process found my way again.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
Winston Churchill
In Fig. 3. The drawing began to deconstruct.
“Leap, and the net will appear” William Burroughs
During the previous drawing I got the strange urge to crochet over the rocks, this felt ridiculously good and I was delighted with the first result. Fig. 4.
“If you do not express your own original ideas, if you do not listen to your own being, you will have betrayed yourself.” Rollo May
However the feeling began ebb once I had committed myself to covering the three larger rocks and it was really hard! I could so easily have stopped and I still feel a bit ridiculous when I look at them.
“Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as reality. To me, defeat in anything is merely temporary, and its punishment is but an urge for me to greater effort to achieve my goal. Defeat simply tells me that something is wrong in my doing; it is a path leading to success and truth.” Bruce Lee
Yes I can be brave during the making process and override fear, but talking about the ideas behind my work, this will be a much harder nut to crack, I have picked such an emotive subject and just my being a woman makes me biased. It is going to take some unpicking. I don’t want to be a politician or an activist, I just want to talk about human behaviour in the real world…one step at a time.
“We put our art out for others to see like laundry on the line. We expose ourselves to the core. It takes great courage to be an artist.” Gwen Fox
