Finishing Touches.
“If you want a happy ending, that depends of course on where you stop your story.” Orson Wells
In the beginning…at the start of the blog I could only think about the next post, blinkered by embarrassment, I kept my focus on drawing, unable to give much thought to the blog as a whole or as to how long it might take. By post #3 I was hooked and the blog began to take on a life and purpose of its own
“I have to keep working not to arrive at finish; which arouses the admiration of fools…I must seek completion only for the pleasure of being truer and more knowing.” Paul Cezanne
When I look back at some of the weird stuff I came out with, especially in the early stages I realise now that the blog allowed a greater mental freedom while enabling a suspension of self-criticism. I took myself in hand much as I would a student suffering from burn-out. The prescribed mark-making soon worked its magic.
“My pictures really paint themselves.” Howard Hodgkin
I liked working within the comfortable constraints of 700 words and 5 images per post, I liked too the research and quote gathering that became part of my weekly ritual. I will miss it. However at times it did feel as though the blog controlled me and that I was having to run to catch up, forever going onto the next thing at what felt like a considerable pace.
“It is difficult to stop one gets carried away; I have the strength to stop, it is the only strength I have.” Claude Monet
What I had never bargained for was re-discovering a deep emotional connection to drawing and painting and an understanding that it is absolutely essential for my spiritual well-being. By post #11, I fell back in love with paint and back in synch with myself and the flow of life.
“Did you stop because it was good enough, or could you have done more – but then maybe ruined it too? Sometimes you finish because you’ve gone too far.” Bruce Nauman
During post #13, I knew instinctively that I was moving forward into uncharted territory which was both exhilarating and fear-inducing. The strange “portraits” need processing which requires time and reflection, the perfect place to stop.
“What do drawings mean to me? I really don’t know. The activity absorbs me I forget everything in a way that I don’t think happens with any other activity…” John Berger
Of course it isn’t really the actual end, just a pause while I take myself off to Lyme-Regis for some reflection and disciplined rule-based working, before starting my next blog: Playing By The Rules. I hope you will still be here when I get back-and thanks for reading.
“In my end is my beginning.” T.S. Eliot
