Inspired by watching Amanda’s video about her Dad, I’m adding just one more entry to my blog. Thought I’d finished it yesterday.
I’m kind of looking forward to the Degree Show, but also have that sinking, scared feeling about it too. I’m thinking about how lucky the younger students are to have proud parents coming to see what they’ve achieved. I so wish my Dad could be there. I inherited my love of art from him. He taught me to draw, first took me to the Tate Gallery; took me to the entrance exam at Hornsey School of Art when I was 12 years old. He was my inspiration, my safety net, my rock throughout his life. I still miss him so much. He would have been so proud of me on June 6th.
He also taught me to swim !!!
When I look at the two family photos here it’s still almost impossible to believe that I’m the only one left in my original family. I still can’t quite come to terms with this fact.
I realise that both my dissertation subject and much of my painting practice relates to loss and death. Although I have been so happy to have, seemingly, been accepted by my younger fellow-students, I can’t avoid the realisation that their burgeoning lives and careers will statistically last further into the future than mine. This is a bittersweet thought.
Even though I have made some progress with my painting and have begun to achieve a degree of understanding about abstracting… I am what I am or what I have become during my experience of life. So many influences and life-events have shaped me and my art. I should, perhaps, stop fighting those influences and produce whatever art I am capable of. My self-belief has always been a barrier. To this day I do not believe that my art is anything special. I’m just someone who can draw & paint a bit. I wish it could be different but I don’t think it ever will be. However I shall continue to try to reach unreachable goals.
AFTERTHOUGHT
I really wasn’t sure about publishing this post but finally decided that it is about the context of my art so it’s in. We are all subconsciously influenced by our own life experiences and can’t escape them permeating our art to some degree.
