ucs

What a Day!! Last proper day of university, and it was full of last minute touch ups to paintings and a lot of stress, touched with excitement and a lovely camaraderie between fellow students. I spent a fair bit of time photographing some last minute work as my printer decided to die recentlyt!! So…i was in the library computer room printing off paintings from my memory stick. Not really what I needed as I had studio floor to paint and several paintings that I wanted to tweak!Despite all these things, I did manage to accomplish the things I had set out to do today. I have included my ‘self portrait’ into my degree show. This was not my initial idea, but after some positive feed-back from some tutor’s I felt more comfortable about it. It really is an important painting for me. It is really stepping out of my comfort zone. However, the painting is full of how I saw myself. It is quite personal and although people looking at it might not fully understand the meaning behind the painting, for me it was important to convey’my’ feelings. It is very hard to share one’s feelings and experiences with everyone…but I don’t think peeople will ‘get’ the painting without some knowledge of the reason why I painted it. For some time I was torn between two men in my life. The triangle is symbolic of this situation and the confined dark room represents how I felt. Alone with this problem. It’s not one you can easily bring up in casual conversation. The situation resolved itself, and life moved on, but not without leaving a powerful memory behind. I believe this painting was an exorcising experience and I feel when I look at it, despite its naieve qualities speaks far more loudly than my other work

Last post: I have been painting studio space for the last couple of days in preparation to hang my paintings for degree show. There is definitly a feeling in the studios of excitement and camaraderie between students. Work is being completed and there is an air of apprehension about the final weeks… culminating in our degree show. Invitations are printed. We have business cards at the ready and catologue is at the printers ready for publication. Looking at my own work in a pure white space allows me to see my work more objectively. My work isnt ‘cutting edge’… and that has always concerned me, but what it is… is honest. My work is about feelings, expressiveness and a love of paint.Feeling nervous and excited about the next few weeks. Three years has gone so fast! Ive had the most rewarding experience at UCS, with great support from students and tutors alike. Ultimately I have learnt so much about art, applying myself academically and pushing myself through self-doubt. My collaboration in the 2nd year was a confidence booster and my struggle to get to grips with oil paint in the 3rd year (encouraged by Robin) was a satisfying accomplishment. Life after university…?? Keep on painting and learning…

Possibly my last blog before hand in. The last three years has flown by!! Looking back I have wrestled with many areas of university life. It has been the most rewarding and frustrating time of my life. I am constantly fighting a battle within myself to justify what I do. I feel pulled in many areas in the style of art I would like to create and struggle accepting my own style of painting. Writing about my art has always been the hardest thing for me to do. I struggle to articulate the feelings and emotions that are caught up in them. Of course,,,it is asking a lot of someone to be moved by a portrait of mine. They dont know that person! They dont know my relationship with that person….why should it resonate with them. Well….actually….thats not even important to the ‘artist’. Most artists work is always personal to them. Whether it resonates with the viewer is another matter. I would hope my work indicates a deeper understanding of the human condition than merely a ‘likeness’ of the person I have painted…The paintings I am putting in are the three paintings of ‘ Man in a Blue Hat’ . Old woman described as ‘Untitled’, and my portriat of Chuck Close. I am still considering as to whether my self portrait will sit well with these other works. My heart wants to put in the self-portrait..as it is me leaping into the dark….painting a work that has no reference point in reality and looks childlike. I can only wait to see how it sits with the others when the time comes next week to start thinking about hanging them. In the meantime…finishing paintings and hoping they will be dry by time of hanging.

Two photos to follow. I imagine they will be the last two to post on this blog as they will be the last two paintings that will possibly be in my final degree exhibition. I have been a little distracted this week…when there really isnt time to be distracted. I have been in touch with Summerhill School. A private boarding progressive school in Suffolk. As somone who home-educated both my children at home throughout their lives….I have enormous empathy with autonomous education. I have been in conversation with Summerhill School and a position of art teacher is an exciting career opportunity possibly in the near future. Back to the works in progress. I am still working on the large canvas in my studio space. It is probably the most intimidating painting I have ever worked on. Two reasons being the scale of the painting and not really having any firm idea how the end result will look. I am working from my imagination…and for me the painting is significant as I am aware that I am exposing myself emotionally…and that is quite scary. Whether other people will look at this painting and read anything deeper into it is not so much my concern. The painting for me has and is a cathartic experience and a very honest depiction of how I see myself. As I havent worked from any photographs, my self portrait is not represetational as in my other work. This lends itself to looking more abstract and surreal and is completlely different to anything else I have done before. I am wondering if it will work in the degree show next to my other portraits. Feeling anxious about how much more there is still to do.

Found the group tutorial interesting and insightful. Talking about one’s work is always difficult, especially when one’s work in very personal. I have come to the realisation that painting portraits is relevant, and my compulsion to paint the people who are important in my life is as relevant as painting anything else. Why shouldnt it be! I believe I felt painting ‘faces’ wasnt relevant because I couldnt understand ‘why’ I was painting them. There felt a void and a lack of connection to what I was painting. How wrong I was. I just couldnt see that I was exorcising my feelings through the portraits about the people I was painting. This insight has helped me understand my work and allowed me to go a braver step forward into working from my imagination. Presently…I have two paintings I am working on. One is another portrait….but from a side angle….and the other is from my own imagination. I have had a canvas for over a year now in my studio space that has intimidated me by its huge scale. I never thought I would have the confidence to tackle it….but last week i felt the compulsion to get it out and I just looked at the bare canvas for about an hour. I then took charcoal and drew out myself sitting in a chair in a room. I dont want it to be representational as in the portraits…but leaning towards a more abstract style . There was no intention conciously to convey anything in particular….but without trying the painting for me evokes very strong feelings about a situation in my life. The painting is a work in progress and I will be lucky if its dry for the degree show….as there is still lots to do to it, but this painting is the first time I am allowing the painting to evolve…and I dont know where its going…and thats very exciting