The painting of my father was a labour of love, in that it was a painting that was difficult but I was determined to finish. It is a painting with a lot of anquish in it, as it was uncertain at the time of painting whether my dad would survive the surgery he had gone through….at the time of painting I can only describe him as having an aura that was quite amazing. It was between acceptance,fight and weariness. In this painting the paint has been applied thickly and I am still interested in the application of the paint and interested in how Frank Auerberach applies his paint. My dad is on a road to recovery now. As Lucian Freud said ‘I think a great portrait has to do with the way it is approached…it is to do with the intensity of the regard and the focus of the specific. I need to produce a lot more work, now that the degree auction is finished. Ive reached the point where I am wondering where my work is going.I seem to spend my last three years feeling stuck at times, having a panic, them moving forwards.
Now the dissertation is is behind me….I have been wondering which direction to go with my paintings. I have been looking at more and more portrait artists and although there is a temptation to stay within this field as I do enjoy painting ‘faces’, I have become aware that I am feeling more inspired to paint more than a ‘face’. An artist I have been looking at is Donald Vogel. I find his paintings beautiful and touching. What is interesting about this is that although he paints people…they are without hardly any detail and set in domestic scenes. This is a far cry from how I paint. However, I hope some of his influence will allow me to develop a less representative attitude towards my own work. I want to have some composition in my paintings. I intend to include people still, but people in relation to where they are and what they are doing. I also recently visited the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge and fell in love with a painting by Harold Gilman called ‘Nude on a Bed’. Other artists I have been inspired by recently are self portraits by Dame Ethel Walker and Elizabeth Blackadder.
I haven’t written on here for a little while. Dissertation has totally absorbed me over the last six weeks and have found it a struggle to get back into it after the xmas break. Have been working very slowly on the painting of my father. I have never spent so long on one painting. Subsequently, the amount of paint that I have applied has given the painting a very thick texture which I like. Its been quite interesting painting so slowly. I have learnt to be more patient and disciplined and not get so impatient if its not going to plan, but just to keep at it.
I am feeling my way carefully through this transitional process. Despite feeling anxious and even a bit panicky about my work directly after group critique…..I feel I am beginning to find a new direction with my work. After presentation, I felt totally demoralised as I felt I wasnt understood by tutors. I am looking at Cecily Brown, Frank Aurebach, Elmer Bischoff and Ursula O Farrell for inspiration. I think that perhaps my termonology wasnt correct in my presentation. I am interested in figurative expressionism, but somewhere I have got caught up in painting in a style that is too representative and want to try and break out of the restrictions this brings me in expressiveness. Thought I had made this clear in my presentation, but from the questions that followed there seemed to be confusion as to why I hadnt painted in this style before. However, I have only come to this realisation in the last few weeks….. Painting I did in Robin’s ‘life painting’ classes. I like the looseness of this painting and the colours and textures.
Well…..having a ‘ crisis! ‘…after group critique, I have become aware that I am not sure I am going in the right direction with my work. I had the realization that I am to caught up in the finished piece of work. I havent allowed myself to experiment enough and to explore……I also had the recognition that I have become more concerned with the physicality of the paint. which is what excites me about painting..I have always felt I need to produce a painting that is recognizable…..I havent been brave enough to step outside this….need to do this now!!.I am not sure where I go from here…
