University Campus Suffolk

So now our journey comes to a brief halt. Suddenly I found myself asking the question “Why?”

Why did I want to explore beauty? Why am I bothered? What do I have to say?

All these questions produced one simple answer because I wanted to feel as if I could be worth something. Behind the charade of giggles and the inappropriate hacking up of posters I’ve realised that I projected my image onto these celebrities, I wanted to look like them. I wanted people to feel as if they can be just as good as anyone else. I wanted to show just how beautiful I could be. Yes you could say that I’m vain or I’m an attention seeker or whatever words spring to mind but in the end we all want to have our voices heard. I’ve always been one to put up and shut up, if someone told me I was ugly I would believe them. Heck if you’re told for long enough that you’re not worth anything you will believe it. I’d always had trouble with bullying particularly because of my appearance I was always the girl whose glasses were just a little too big for her or the girl whose nostrils warranted a camping trip. I was always told; that people would flag me down because my teeth were so yellow they’d think that I was taxi, that double doors were invented for me, that no one would marry me because I’d never fit down the aisle. I’ve never said this to anyone before but I feel like now is my time. I’ve learnt that I’m just as beautiful as you and I can do anything I want to do. I’ve found people who love me and think I’m beautiful even when I tell them to shut up. And if I can be confident in myself then so can you.

This raised the question; Am I beautiful yet?

When do I get to be beautiful? When will I think I’m beautiful? Do I look good enough yet? Can I take your breath away?

I’m posing the narrative as a question because I don’t have an answer. It’s up to you to decide. I want people to look at my work and think how in the heck did that happen? Ew! She looks awful why an earth does she think that she’s beautiful?

So I set up a photo-shoot. I wanted the process to feel very intimate so I used my computer webcam as a viewfinder for my camera which I turned onto myself. I exaggerated my make up so that it would show up better on the camera and draw attention to the eyes because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Through the editing process I was able to experiment with different ways in which to make myself beautiful. The first I edited my eyes to look brown because I had read in a magazine recently that people with brown eyes are the most attractive. I made my hair darker, brightened the colour of my lips and eye make-up, hitched up the contrast to max, played with the shadows and lighting until I got to this final image. (See Figure 1) I added the question to the bottom of the image because I still want text to be relevant in my work.

After that I edited a series of images which took several weeks, adjusting the layers, experimenting with the question layout and colour, editing specific facial features (Darkening the eyes or adjusting the skin midtone), building up the multiple layers, changing the colours completely.



So as promised in this post I will talk about my recent work. Since the last time I posted I have done so much work therefore this post might have to be split into two.

Since my mirror images and my red scarf colour editing I have evolved my ideas into one solid question. I really thought hard about why I look at beauty, why I want to define it, why I try to change myself in front of my camera lens. And the answer is probably the most honest thing I have ever said.

But before I tell you the question I want to show you the journey I made to get to this point that I’m at now.

Firstly, I started to take photos and edit them continuing my process from before. I thought about narration and my thoughts returned to the Snow White fairy tale that I mentioned before. I thought about the damsels in distress and the dashing knights coming to save their fair maidens and this got me thinking about how I interpret fairy tales. See I think we’re the heroes of our own stories though we are also the damsels in distress, we have a human experience which can often leave us in a limbo of unknowing. So I expressed this thought through cropping my eyes and creating a narrative of my own. (See Figure 1)

This led me to experiment with an image of me asleep, I instantly imagined Snow White and how the poisoned apple forced Snow into a deep sleep. So I changed the colour of my hair and lips trying to give myself a more feminine appearance though at the same time I kind of wanted the image to look cheap and tacky because our idealised images of fairy tales are fake and unreal. I then layered some text onto the image taking a snippet of the Snow White story from a family fairy tale book of mine. (See Figure 2)

I realised that I liked using Snow White as a way to experiment with the relationship between text and image but I didn’t want to be drawn too much into the fairy tales and connotations to the story. To be honest, I know that Snow White is over used I felt that way once I had finished this piece and so I started to think of other ways to explore the notion of beauty.

From there I went back to the sketchbook, experimenting with drawing over my typical week’s schedule and writing over my drawings. I started to research Bill Viola who my tutor Robin recommended to me because of the way in which he worked. To keep it short and simple (because I want to dedicate a post to him) he would take notes and write things which then influenced his projections. This made me think about doing a projection again so I thought up different ways in which I could show my work.



Quite recently I have been thinking about artists that I can add my themed blog posts. I thought about why I like certain artists work and how they have influenced my work over the past few years. Before I came to university I sparsely researched artists, this meant that all the artworks I saw were in galleries, on websites or in magazines. In my own art work prior to university I was more inspired by literature, particularly First World War poetry and classical fiction. I think that these influences still run strong in my current works mainly because I think that’s where my need for strong narrative comes from. What I’m trying to say is; to understand my work you have to fundamentally understand that my mind comes from a historical literature background. I was always inspired by books to use my imagination and through reading ideas and concepts grew in the back of my mind. I still look to books for inspiration, even if I don’t quite realise it.

Art can start from anything; from a word in a book, a conversation you had recently, a picture you saw in a magazine… I find this quite a fascinating way to think about art. Do we create all of our own ideas or are we silently influenced by things that we have experienced before? Like a film or a song?

Personally I’d say that I’m a bit of both, the creative process can start by something you see or something you think of (an observation) and then you can discover things that other people have thought of before. Though their thoughts do resonate with you and your ideas inevitably they are your ideas and it’s up to you to make the art you want to make. I hope that makes sense, at the minute I’m finding these blog posts very reflective and it’s quite liberating to let your thoughts out into the world.

So I think the point of this post is to let you know that in my artist’s posts I will no longer just be posting about artists, I’ll also post about anything that has inspired me be it a particular colour in the sky or a book I read ten years ago. If you guys have any more books recommendations or really anything that has inspired you let me know and we can be inspired together!



Presentation: A happy disaster!

So this week I wanted to write a little about what I’ve been up to for the past couple of weeks, seeing as I haven’t posted for a while. This week I was completely preoccupied by my presentation which I did on Monday, since then I’ve not done a lot to be honest – apart from sorting out my sketchbook and ideas.

I have to say that my presentation was a happy disaster. To put this into context I need to explain the idea that I had for the presentation. Basically, I wanted to make a PowerPoint presentation but I wanted to convert it into a video which would have a running narration said by yours truly instead of having your bog standard PP with loads of writing on the slides.

However, I couldn’t get the technology to work when I wanted it too and converting the video over to a different computer just did not work. Luckily though I was able to just save the presentation as a PP and in the end I just improvised the narration, totally making it up from head as I went along.

Now that I’m able to look back I think that this might have worked in my favour. Usually I hate speaking in public mainly because I just freeze and as a result look like a stuffed lemon but this time I had grown so frustrated with the multiple technological failures that my usual nerves weren’t there.

And for the first time in my life I was able to talk precisely yet honestly about my work, this is a breakthrough for me; not just as an artist but as a person as well. I thought well it’s my work why should I need an over rehearsed script? Why can’t I just talk about what I’m doing in a professional manner? So I did just that and I hope that came across. This got me thinking about this final year that I am currently living and how I want to progress through and after uni.

Ideally I want to present myself in a more confident way where I’m not afraid of saying something stupid or doing something ridiculous because once this experience is over it’s just that, over.

I’ve always had this attitude of hey you think that I can’t be an artist well I’ll show exactly why I should be one and I think that this attitude has evolved into look if I can do it so can you, if I can make art why can’t you? If I can stand up and talk in front of people so can you.

It’s quite inspiring to think this way and for me it’s been a light bulb moment. I want my art to be approachable and I want people to interact with my work. I want people to ask questions and wonder why and how I’ve made something. If they can do a better job than me then that’s great and if you learn something then that’s just as great too.

Thinking about this approachability that I want my art work to have leads me to my concepts and ideas, the main topic I deal with is beauty particularly what people (myself included) perceive beauty as. So making my work approachable will the make the topics that I think about more approachable, so in a way I can make my work a platform. I always want my art work to say something, whether it makes sense or is interpreted as such is a completely different matter.

So right now I feel like I now know my work and what I want it to do, which is an odd relief. I know how to progress forward and how hopefully I can make the most out of this final year. That’s all I really wanted to talk about on this post – this week has been incredibly exhausting yet strangely fulfilling. Let’s just hope my feedback Monday is nice!

In my next post I’ll talk about my recent work and show you wonderful people images of said work. Then after that I’ll resume my artist’s posts as well as taking a post to talk about my dissertation. This week though I’m recuperating and by recuperating I mean sorting out my family’s Christmas presents which is hardly a break!

I hope you’re all having a fantastic week –

And if the week’s going rubbish don’t worry its Christmas soon!