Yesterday, I had a conversation with my partner about how I communicate. I’ve been thinking about that a great deal lately, since uni life requires much communication – as does running an art gallery (so I’ve found!).
I have always been inherently shy and will tend to be a laboured, almost ponderous thinker. I know the answers to things, but take longer than many to recall them. That’s why I prefer to write things down. The trouble is (so I’ve discovered again recently) whenever I write, I open a stream of consciousness that I enjoy exploring. In blog form, that could be problematic – but I need to do it, as you all will never, ever know what I’m truly working about otherwise.
I have never found it easy to vocalise my concepts, as I have too much going on in my head all the time to find that level of focus in a conversation/presentation/whatever. The noisy thoughts of ‘what if I make a fool of myself’, or the ‘who do I think I am?, or the ‘they’re laughing at you’ one that has haunted me since childhood.
Writing it is then.
As I might have mentioned before – keeping a diary regularly is something I just can’t do. I never have been able to, so never have. Likewise, I have tried to keep blogs before, and they’ve always petered-out after a few entries. My writing normally takes the form of notebooks and scraps of paper containing private notes and sketches for ideas.
It’s nearly 3am again, and I will post more tomorrow – probably some films I have made in the past to help you see how I might approach the waterscreen video idea.
Oh yes – and tonight I watched the atmospheric, scary film ‘Insidious’, which I found had many references to the kind of childhood night terrors that have impacted on my life and (as a result) my art. It has thus reminded me of an installation and film I made in level 5 – entitled ‘Nyctophobia’. I think I have homed in on some ideas for the screen. More on that later …
