At the beginning of my last year I wanted to start looking a Barbie’s still however making once that relate to me or ones that you defiantly don’t see on the shelf. I always felt that I wanted to be this Barbie like girl ever since I was little; I thought she was the image of perfect, but I could never imagine seeing hairy Barbie or chubby cheeked Barbie. So I decided to make my own Barbie that I felt represented me or the me I would have liked to been ( I have got over wanting to be a Barbie now thankfully). Also I like the thought of different gender roles when it came to Barbie’s, why did they not sell a save the world one and a house husband Ken.
At university I began to look at this idea of being a Barbie and how she is considered to be the idea woman which is crazy and far for realistic. It fascinated me that we give this doll to a young girl to play with; from such a young age we are showing are children that this is the perfect woman. Is she really? This again all comes from the media and how the women perceive women to be like. I looked at gender rolls and men’s magazines how they make women out to be like in the media. I expanded on this all the way up to the start of my third year.
My artist journey started at college where I began to look at how different artist had tackled the idea of beauty in their own way. I began to look at the artist Yves Klein, his body prints really fascinated me. I found it odd that he only used partially beautiful women that had this ideal woman’s body. I wanted to create my own body prints but in a way that represented beauty to me.
I choice to work alongside a woman who at the time was struggling with their weight and really despised the way they look. I wanted to show her that just because she was big do NOT mean she was not beautiful. The body prints I made of her body looked fantastic! She was really curvy and they looked great! She still really couldn’t see it. When I revisited her she had lost a considerable about of weight so I asked her to do another print over the top to see how her body had changed, we done the print and she was still not happy she still thought she was fat and flabby.
I can to realise then that it didn’t really matter what size she got down to and how thin she got because when she did reach her goal she set herself another one because she was still not happy. And I realised how sad that is really to never appreciate what you have always be wanting more. Also when I saw her she would go “ I wish I looked like you”. ME? This fat, hairy, short thing? I don’t think so. If she was me would she really be happy? Or want to go back to how she was?
Its took me a long time to start writing this blog, as I wanted to begin by think about what inspires me and really defines my work. I have been having a really hard think over the holidays about where my work comes from and why I produce such work.
For me my art work has always come from my feelings and thoughts on the idea of being ‘body conscious’. And trying to deal with this issue which I believe most people face at some point in their life, whether it being too fat or to thin, anything can affect how you feel about your body and looks. However most of the pressure and the ideas about true beauty come from the media, this is what people try to define themselves to and I happen to be one of the people sadly. This is my story about I have dealt with my own self consciousness
Ever since I can remember I have never been partially happy with the way I look, I have always felt conscious on the way I look. Growing up other children in the playground would comment on how curly my hair was and how hairy my arms where (being half Spanish I have really thick dark hair). At the age of about 12 I began to shave nearly my whole body, I was pushed under the pressure of others to do this to myself. I remember to girls in my class once push me in the corner and told me how ugly I was with my curly dark hair, “eww why don’t you have straight hair not this fuzzy mess”. This led me to begin, to addictively straighten my hair every day I couldn’t leave the house if it was not straight or I would get in such a panic and a state. I also began to wear so much makeup; I would sit for hours each morning caking it on my face, just because I felt I have to! Everyone would hate me if I didn’t look this certain way.
At high school I started to rebel a little a dye my hair blue and cover myself in bright makeup and wear skimpy skirts, I think I at this point gave up trying to fit in so I tried to find my own path but really I was still following everyone else because every other girl in my whole year at school had blue in their hair and dark black makeup, we was all following the same path again of trying to be different ( also I think at that time Avril Lavigne was in and everyone wanted to be like her.)
As I grew up I realised I only looked and dressed and acted this certain way really because I had led this path the media had laid out for me, I only wanted to buy clothes from high end fashion shops and I wanted the must have bags and makeup. When I think about it, it is so shallow and ridicules to think this way! Why must I think such rubbish about myself, that I must be a size 6! And have huge boobs a small waste and hair to my bum! It’s crazy I am who I am and I should be happy this way! But deep down there will always be something inside me telling me no Kayleigh you’re not. And this is inside me is what helps me make my art work that I do.
