Over the past week or so I have been working on some video pieces of me removing my makeup and trying to capture how I feel when removing my makeup.
For me it is as if I am uncovering my true self and break down this wall of self-confidence that I falsely put up.
I called the piece ‘Destruction’ as for me it is like self-destruct , I am breaking down this more eye pleasing outer wall and uncovering the grey bare, less eye pleasing under coat of my face. I hate removing my makeup it makes me feel very unconfutable and very unconfident in myself.
The video I have edited and added music to it, I chose some instrumental simple music that I felt described how I was feeling when I was removing my makeup. I have always edited the video so one version is colour and one is in black and white. I like the colour version as I think you can see the colours and textures of my skin and makeup, However the black and white for me makes it harder to watch it makes it (I feel personally) more unconfutable to watch and upsetting. I also make the video close up so all you can see is my face and bare skin. I still haven’t decided yet which version I like more.
Also i personally hate watching this video and cant bare to watch it.
Destruction (Black and White)
Some more images that I took of myself, I have done a mix of all different images took over a few days, some with makeup on some without and half and half. I really cannot stand looking at images of myself and I feel it very discomforting that other can see these images of me. I think I done them mostly in black and white to cover up my face colour and the redness off parts of my face. However just because I don’t like these images does not mean they don’t work for me artistically, I think they work well to the point of I am really pushing myself to show these sides of me. The real me that I hide away all the time, I think the colour ones of he out of the shower look more like someone has took them of me and not on an artistic point of view. The black and white ones for me and some kind of depth to it, not just a normal photo of someone’s face with no makeup on.
Since are review with our tutors I have really been trying to push myself with my work and this has been really hard for me. I have started by taking lots of photos of myself without any makeup on and with my hair not done. I have found this really difficult to do, I have no enjoyed it and the photos I still find rather hard to look at. I have posted them in my studio to try and help me deal with them better by seeing them on a daily basis’s.
I took the photos when I woke up and morning and some later on in the day when I had taken my makeup off. I think the photos of me with no makeup on worked really well. Also I have been editing some of the photos so that it looks like I am looking at myself (like looking in a mirror) one half of my face had makeup and one didn’t as if I am comparing myself. I think these worked well I am thinking of having them printed out large. I also took photos of half of my photos with half of my face with makeup and one half without, these ones didn’t work as well as I wanted but I think you can see a clear contrast between my face with and without the makeup. I took some photos as well with me with all my makeup on, these ones are easier for me to look at and I much prefer them however they don’t really reflect my work as well as they don’t break the barrier down of the meaning behind my work. I really want to push myself to create work that reveal my true self and break down the wall that I put up!
Since we had our critical view I have been thinking of different ideas on how to deepen my art and make it much more personal, something people could really connect with. I have jotted down a few little notes and drawing of my ideas. These are some ideas which I want to make and do as part of my work process.
Creating photos without makeup on
Photos with no makeup on and my hair not done
Looking at myself in a reflection with and without makeup on
Block images of my face making up a face
Videos of me removing my makeup
Video of me putting makeup on
Rewinding the videos so they play backwards
Making the videos go slower
Full size images of my body
My body edited and an image on top of another
Layers of images of my face
We recently had a critical work review with our tutors to see how we are progressing and what some of our ideas are for are final degree project. With my own personal work we talked about what routes I could take with my work and how to express my thoughts and feeling deeper. We also come to an agreement that my work was centred around myself and to make my work my powerful and more meaning full I really need to push myself to creating work of me without my makeup on or my hair not done and showing people my natural self. This is going to be difficult for me as I have always been really conscious about people seeing my natural state, this is something I have never felt comfortable in sharing this with others. However I think I need to get over this fear just to really push my work to a new level and depth.
