I then began to think more what really made me, and I came to the conclusion of my hair. It has always been something that I have felt ruled my life. I hated how fuzzy and curly it was and dark. However I used it as a mask to hind behind. All I ever wanted to have was straight long hair, as this was my ideal Barbie self to me. I also had a massive issue about the other hair on my body such as my top lip, my arms and leg hair etc, I hated it! And so did everyone else apparently I got laughed at and asked many of times by the other children in my class “ eww why are you so hairy and why do you have a beard and hairy arms. As I got older I hide behind my long dark hair even more (now it was more tamed and no curly and frizzy).
So I began to use my hair extension hair I thought it was odd how I had long hair cut it off then put fake hair in to make it long again, and how unrealistic it was and is. Hair is something that represents woman to me as I feel it is big thing for most women they have bad hair days or even the odd top lip hair I am sure. Other artists have used hair in their art work such as Judith Fegerl from Austria, she uses it in her installation piece Tension object
I began to collect cutting from my hair when I recently went to the hair dressers also I cut up some of my hair extension hair, I pinned it to a canvas to show my collection of hair and also seeing the difference between what hair was real and what hair was fake, it is hard to tell the difference.
Over the Christmas period I really began to think about what makes me and what defines me as a person. What is behind this wall that I put up and put on? I began thinking of what I have hidden behind and what I use to make myself less like me, to try to become this Barbie like doll.
I looked at a couple of artists ones that really influence me. I looked in detail at Cindy Sherman, I really admired her work with dolls, I liked how outrageous they were and how she had explored sexuality and feminist points through using the dolls. I found it interesting how she described her work this dolls in an interview with Therese Lichtenstein.
“My ideas are not developed before I actually do the pieces. It’s good that you see it in that way. I never thought of the whole childhood thing and playing with dolls and dressing them up in regard to the newest work. For me it was out of boredom from using myself in the work, and feeling tied to that way of working. I became more interested and fascinated by the basics of what these prosthetic body parts were and I was just trying to use them without having to wear them myself. The whole series evolved from two mannequins — one female (the one positioned animal-like on all fours with the doll) and the other one male (the guy with the axe in the S-M scenario). These are the two most basic mannequins”.
Also I was influenced by a piece of work by Jeff Koons it is a painting of wigs one cheese. I found this very interesting how he was using the hair to make a face form without it even being there, you could tell what was meant to be there as you looked at it from a glance. I also liked the use of the lips and the background of trees and flowers; it gives the piece almost a collage look to it. For me the painting is of a representation of women maybe to him? Maybe this is how he sees the female form. This was something I wanted to capture In my own work, things that represented me.
At the beginning of my last year I wanted to start looking a Barbie’s still however making once that relate to me or ones that you defiantly don’t see on the shelf. I always felt that I wanted to be this Barbie like girl ever since I was little; I thought she was the image of perfect, but I could never imagine seeing hairy Barbie or chubby cheeked Barbie. So I decided to make my own Barbie that I felt represented me or the me I would have liked to been ( I have got over wanting to be a Barbie now thankfully). Also I like the thought of different gender roles when it came to Barbie’s, why did they not sell a save the world one and a house husband Ken.
At university I began to look at this idea of being a Barbie and how she is considered to be the idea woman which is crazy and far for realistic. It fascinated me that we give this doll to a young girl to play with; from such a young age we are showing are children that this is the perfect woman. Is she really? This again all comes from the media and how the women perceive women to be like. I looked at gender rolls and men’s magazines how they make women out to be like in the media. I expanded on this all the way up to the start of my third year.
My artist journey started at college where I began to look at how different artist had tackled the idea of beauty in their own way. I began to look at the artist Yves Klein, his body prints really fascinated me. I found it odd that he only used partially beautiful women that had this ideal woman’s body. I wanted to create my own body prints but in a way that represented beauty to me.
I choice to work alongside a woman who at the time was struggling with their weight and really despised the way they look. I wanted to show her that just because she was big do NOT mean she was not beautiful. The body prints I made of her body looked fantastic! She was really curvy and they looked great! She still really couldn’t see it. When I revisited her she had lost a considerable about of weight so I asked her to do another print over the top to see how her body had changed, we done the print and she was still not happy she still thought she was fat and flabby.
I can to realise then that it didn’t really matter what size she got down to and how thin she got because when she did reach her goal she set herself another one because she was still not happy. And I realised how sad that is really to never appreciate what you have always be wanting more. Also when I saw her she would go “ I wish I looked like you”. ME? This fat, hairy, short thing? I don’t think so. If she was me would she really be happy? Or want to go back to how she was?
