Its took me a long time to start writing this blog, as I wanted to begin by think about what inspires me and really defines my work. I have been having a really hard think over the holidays about where my work comes from and why I produce such work.
For me my art work has always come from my feelings and thoughts on the idea of being ‘body conscious’. And trying to deal with this issue which I believe most people face at some point in their life, whether it being too fat or to thin, anything can affect how you feel about your body and looks. However most of the pressure and the ideas about true beauty come from the media, this is what people try to define themselves to and I happen to be one of the people sadly. This is my story about I have dealt with my own self consciousness
Ever since I can remember I have never been partially happy with the way I look, I have always felt conscious on the way I look. Growing up other children in the playground would comment on how curly my hair was and how hairy my arms where (being half Spanish I have really thick dark hair). At the age of about 12 I began to shave nearly my whole body, I was pushed under the pressure of others to do this to myself. I remember to girls in my class once push me in the corner and told me how ugly I was with my curly dark hair, “eww why don’t you have straight hair not this fuzzy mess”. This led me to begin, to addictively straighten my hair every day I couldn’t leave the house if it was not straight or I would get in such a panic and a state. I also began to wear so much makeup; I would sit for hours each morning caking it on my face, just because I felt I have to! Everyone would hate me if I didn’t look this certain way.
At high school I started to rebel a little a dye my hair blue and cover myself in bright makeup and wear skimpy skirts, I think I at this point gave up trying to fit in so I tried to find my own path but really I was still following everyone else because every other girl in my whole year at school had blue in their hair and dark black makeup, we was all following the same path again of trying to be different ( also I think at that time Avril Lavigne was in and everyone wanted to be like her.)
As I grew up I realised I only looked and dressed and acted this certain way really because I had led this path the media had laid out for me, I only wanted to buy clothes from high end fashion shops and I wanted the must have bags and makeup. When I think about it, it is so shallow and ridicules to think this way! Why must I think such rubbish about myself, that I must be a size 6! And have huge boobs a small waste and hair to my bum! It’s crazy I am who I am and I should be happy this way! But deep down there will always be something inside me telling me no Kayleigh you’re not. And this is inside me is what helps me make my art work that I do.
