University Campus Suffolk

Reflection! FROM THEN TO NOW…

At the beginning of my project I asked myself how I would deal with the face in my portrayal of flesh, to avoid it becoming like a portrait.

Instead of avoiding it, this is the area of flesh I have been most drawn to.

Flesh on the face is varied – Hard boney bits and soft lumpy bits.

The face is expressive and is a very active part of the body. Expressions.

I said in my proposal I would keep a visual journal to try and link emotion and painterly marks. That was too much. Too intense and revealing.

Instead I have been acknowledging my emotions to myself privately – an inner journal.

–This leaves some interpretation to my paintings. GOOD

-The paintings themselves are my physical recording of my emotion.

Themes in my project:

-Emotion

-Where flesh breaks

-Silent scream- mouth- teeth

-Anxiety

-Trapped flesh

-Duality of paint and emotion

-The active role of paint.

These paintings feel like the beginning of something important…

– ‘Are Those Yours Or Mine?’, oil on board, 2013

– ‘Homage to Bacon’, mixed media on paper, 2014.

– ‘There He Goes’, oil on canvas, 2014.

– ‘Trapped Flesh I’, oil on canvas, 2014

– ‘Trapped Flesh II’, oil on canvas, 2014.

I will be examining why? Why do these strike me as important or as “working” ?

One thing in my blog which I have not mentioned in detail (I plan to) is my term ‘active paint’. As my project is gathering more and more momentum, it is easier for me to explain the term…

I also plan to look back to melded flesh – perhaps focusing more on the body?

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Reflection! Lets start from the very beginning…

The swollen images I posted in blog post 18 are photographs of my flesh in a different state. Through out my project I have been looking at my flesh in different ways and thinking about the variables that can give me things to experiment with.

During my project proposal I thought about how I see my flesh.

– In reality (in which case I can never see some areas of my own flesh e.g my face).

– Reflected in a mirror.

-In a photographic image.

My painting ‘Are Those Yours Or Mine?’ plays with this in a way which is more humorous and on reflection has not got the same strong emotional context as my later paintings.

However, this painting is one of my most important in terms of what I set out to do.

This was one of my first paintings in my project.

-It’s my flesh

-I experimented painting with my hands.

-Rendering flesh using my flesh.

To me it feels like my flesh and I feel a connection to the mark-making and the paints language.

In my project I have also looked at how flesh can be distorted and manipulated to alter the way we see it. This lead me to digitally combine images of my flesh – mutilated and deformed.

Not my flesh as I usually see it.

Still focusing on a feeling of wanting to escape and a feeling of being trapped.

I began to work on a canvas, intended to be titled ‘Melded Flesh’. It has not reached the stage of paint yet. There has been something holding me back.

-I think it needs to be bigger. Lifesize.

– I need more freedom for mark making. My marks will be very tight on this scale.

Too Cramped.

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Swollen Flesh

-Seeing my flesh in a different state.

-This is the after-math of the anxiety that I spoke about in blog post 14.

-Swollen eyes look voluminous which interests me.

-I’m not sure YET if I will use these images. Should I move away from the face?

I have previously documented my flesh early in the morning to see it in a different way.

-It is a very physical change and the memory of it is still raw. I can remember how it felt to wake up and feel like my eyes were barely open and feel them stinging when I blinked.

It’s interesting when you think about my earlier comment:

“…there is the need (urge) to externalise this feeling. To replicate the emotions one feels on the inside with what can be seen and understood by others on the outside.”

Through externalising the emotion of anxiety/fear/ losing control through the act of crying, a physical change in my flesh was created.

THIS IS IMPORTANT!

Perhaps these are important images that will help me render emotive and most importantly ‘active paint’.

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‘Trapped Flesh I’ and ‘Trapped Flesh II’.

These images show how these paintings have developed along side each other.

My process for painting has been affected through the artists I have researched and my experiences during this projects development.

-In the Maggi Hambling lecture 2014, I attended at UCS, she spoke of painting from memory and imagination.

-Bacon spoke on The SouthBank Show, 1985 saying he used several images to paint from as he didn’t believe one image could capture the perfect picture.

Although I had imagery for both paintings I too experimented with my imagination.

-I did not rely on the photographs.

-I freed myself from replication and tried to use the paint emotively.

-I had already drawn and study my flesh and I feel I had absorb this information. I WAS DEALING WITH A FAMILIAR SUBJECT.

During my painting process for both paintings, I touched the flesh on my neck and chin with my left hand whilst painting.

-I felt my flesh’s physicality!

-I found myself stretching into the same pose. Silently baring my mouth.

-Re-entering the emotional state of mind.

I think that these paintings are my most successful in this project SO FAR and have achieved the nearest to what I set out to achieve.

The relationship between the two are strong and I think this came from painting them at the same time – They work as one painting.

I have thought about making a third head to go alongside them. Would the relationship and language be different as the time of the paintings conception will be further on in my project?

A key area in ‘Trapped Flesh II’ is the area which describes the chin and mouth. To me it really feels like gathered flesh. Almost papery flesh like dead or old skin.

– There are varied marks in this area. Is this why it is successful?

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