IT RAINED AND IT HAILED.
This fleshy depiction of head and shoulders emotionally drained me. Im not sure if it ‘works’ or not. I’m so deeply emerged in it, I can not begin to think what it looks like to an outsider. It brings me right back to my emotions at the time of it’s conception. Right before I painted it I sat alone in my room while hail and rain bashed against my window. I wanted to get out (of where ever it was I fall into) and it wanted to get in. Relentless and loud.
I felt a need to try and exhale all of this on to my canvases. It felt like I’ld been holding my breath for hours. Sometimes the out comes visually are good sometimes not but my process at the moment is acting like a conversation with a therapist. I think the canvas understands?
The canvas was the most bruised and battered, forgotten about canvas in my studio. Areas not primed properly and prepped with grey and red paint for a painting that never happened.
On reflection I want to go back and correct areas that are not “right” but I’m resisting to try and not loose the areas that in my opinion are pure emotionally charged paint.
I’m beginning to understand that each time I return to a painting on a different day or moment I project a different energy. In the moment my decisions will be different to the decisions and marks I would of made yesterday.
I’m not saying that I mean to never work on a painting after a certain time scale. Just that being aware is part of unravelling the conversation that exists between viewer and paint.
