University of Derby

moving on.

i’ve achieved a 2-1.

i’ve started a blog on artist talking. good luck to all of you i’ve blogged with this year, i look forward to reading your ongoing blogs on artists talking.

good luck to new bloggers embarking on a third year.

a recent favourite mis-quote:

“suffering makes us who we are, make sure you don’t skip the suffering”

from little miss sunshine.

i’ve needed some time to ponder and process what’s happened in the last week.

part 1.

what seems to have happened is some sort of right of passage. just over a week a go, the work i’d made as part of the academic process was on show to schools and colleges. their appreciation of the work on show was interesting to watch.

the following day was the big public opening of the degree show. we were called in for a last minute clean up and pep talk and also to be informed of the prizes that would be selected from the work on show. i was disappointed that the judging panel only actually looked at one work, strangely it received recognition. it set up a bad taste of competitiveness and subjectiveness or the corporate gaze. i could go randomly on about that stuff; frankly i’ve got better things to do.

the friday night was quite uncomfortable for me. trying to think why a week later. i don’t think i’ll explain why, it was a personal thing and as such will remain so.

as this week has gone on, as i get further away from the academic process and the work starts to sit by it’s own merit, as i have new conversations about it with people seeing it for the first time, the notion of passage is with me. it’s quite unsettling as it’s me realising that soon i’ll be able to make work away from the rigours of an academic driven requirement process. i’m aware i need to be having more fun with the work i make. the academic process has been intense and i have discovered that my academic spoken language is weak compared to the visual language. if i’m going to continue to make work, i feel i need to be able make work and talk about it at a level that i am comfortable with.

i did have a very interesting conversation about the work yesterday, with someone who had taken time to watch and ponder and think. as a first year helper said during the installation “if someone has taken time to make something, the least i can do is spend time with it considering it.” i guess that’s the constant issue. the point of departure of interest being so varied. i’m not quite a theoretician, so that big question can be left alone for now.

i’ve needed some time to ponder and process what’s happened in the last week.

part 2.

in the week it’s been said to me that there’s a very good ma at an institution nearby. it has been the big debate lately. certainly i’ve been questioning why do an ma. my concern with doing an ma is that it artificially props up a practice by the rigours of academic process. if the individual is going to make stuff, they’ll make stuff. a naïve argument i know, however i believe that. what business would invest money simply to gain time talking to people they perceive as being useful to their development. that’s my starting point of thinking about the ma. if someone could take the finance out of the equation, the academic benefit would then be the next consideration. as a person with a learning difficulty, going into a learning process is very challenging on it’s own, then add rigours of making to it. the ma becomes an even bigger mound than the one i’ve just finished. oh hang on, i’ve finished it. yes and i know how painful that was. i know how angry it made me. i know how stressful it was. do i knowingly want to put myself through that again? will it be the same as an undergraduate programme? can any body give me an insight into what an ma is? will i be able to play and have fun, investigating what i’m investigating? or again will i be stopped and be told to take it more seriously. thing is, i have to learn through playing, in friendly circles i refer to it as “fucking about”. now i know that’s not very academic now is it. is any body going to let me on to an ma and let me fuck about having fun informing what i want to make?

i know i need to be upstanding enough to transfer me into an academic situation.

the great thing is i don’t need to worry about that now.

the work remains on show until saturday. it comes down monday.

to my friend who is quite ill, i say my support is there and i hope you get well soon.

to the fellow students around the country that i’ve enjoyed reading and commenting on their blogs i say good luck and thank you for your comments back.

and to the thought of visiting other degree shows and reviewing them, i say i’m actually to tired to visit and comment. sad but true, the mounting of the degree show has been incredibly draining, worth it and a good foundation for what comes next.

what ever that will be…

degree show tonight.

must buy new clothes.

it's very exciting.

will add more about it all when i've had time to reflect…

have fun one and all.

i’ve watched the 250cc race from mugello today. the last lap was quite exciting, the shot from the helicopter showing how close the racing was.

yesterday i finally realised why i’ve been feeling a little deflated all week. i’ve written up my thoughts about it in my journal.

the installation process is complete.

the documentation process has been done.

the little tweaks to labelling – done.

made a cup of tea – not yet.

there is a feeling of completion. with the last little bit of c in p to finish off.

i also feel i need some time to contemplate and consider what i’ve achieved this week.

time to consider what i’ve learnt.

time to get some space to make an entry to the next project.

some time for me.

and time to make a cup of tea.