University of Derby

my dyslexia is affecting quite badly at the moment. i’m binging off wanting to do other things, rather than actually physically finish the current work off, as in my mind it’s finished.

i have looked at a lot recently. experienced a lot.

i realise i live in a system that i don’t agree with, yet have to endure it as it’s the system i live in, it’s mad i know, i will attempt to find positive fun things to engage with to make my living happier.

i’ve begun a new little film; working title is ‘ dormant terrorist ‘

i’ve been told what space i have for the degree show. i’m happy with it. i do have a sense of unhappiness about the work, i can’t put my finger on it, other than to say i went to see ‘ the age of stupid ‘ last night. i cried. we are doomed. none of the ‘ protestors ‘ i spoke to after seemed to know what they were doing. there’s something missing for me. I don’t understand why it’s affecting my work. oh hang on, it’s because of all the negative energy that is produced.

if only I could find my aesthetic bubble and live there blissful and happy.

i’m reconsidering my opinion of last summer. my particular opinion being about work being made about a subject and being removed so far from the subject, that the subject is lost. i now recognise that that is the only way to engage with the initial subject after all.

as some artist said of some writer of a quote of his : if you can’t change it: laugh at it. (not very fine art though is it).

like i say, my dyslexia is affecting me quite badly at the moment.

maybe I’m just not clever enough to find what it is I’m looking for creatively.

maybe it’s time to go into a field and throw some rocks around again.

maybe I need another early night.

I definitely need a cup of tea now.

still affected by tiredness.

trying not to let it affect me. it's tuff, and so is resisting chocolate.

been fun lately, i was involved with the fundraiser evening that chris and jo from our course put together last weekend.

handed in the proposal for the exhibition on monday, will find out next monday what space allocation has been made.

i've got some filming left to do for the final resolution of my piece. i've got some pulling together of research to do to make it understandable to an assor in 10 minutes.

i've got a personal promotion portfolio to do. there's not much left to do so my wandering thoughts have been of what after the degree lately. i'm thinking i'll explore those personal issues that i chose not to look at and express within the context of the degree.

i've applied for a place on the fourth plinth.

and onto washing up and cleaning.

back to school.

up early, tea and eventually toast, that toaster is so tempermental.

hand in the home work, chat with teach, he’s shaved, he’s quite dishy you know, much younger looking, it suits him.

rush around: return this, photocopy that.

lunch, some news, ace!

and the week has got off to a speedy start, can I match the pace all week? of course, big load of veg, gormley over to chat, all looking ok, all very relaxing.

and so to drink.

consider:

a man choosing to stand on one leg.

as a statement of him being happy in that place.

how long:

will that man be happy for?

a reminder.

i receive extra tutor time as part of my dyslexic support package. i’ve had a session with my tutor today, the exhibition proposal deadline is next monday. everything went well up until the point where I showed the tutor the module descriptor, i was way off fulfilling what was being asked of me. i’m trying to write a statement to go with the work. her response was “it’s cold, very little personal engagement in it”.

we discussed it and i have been reminded of part of my process. i must remember that when I want to write about what i’ve been making in an attempt to give contextual background, i must tell someone what i’ve been doing face to face and then transcribe that into the written form. it’s all there when i talk about it, when attempting to write about it, it all freezes and becomes like attempting to unblock a sink. if I wanted to be a plumber I would have done another course.

I’m over the tired/bored phase of recent days.

there’s a third year fine art derby fundraiser on saturday and i’m putting some tunes together for the evening, so if nothing else I’ll like the music they play.

and

I’ve been told to drink more water.