University of Derby

reflective golden eye.

in a week that had gothic proportional beginnings to mid term interventions and a distinctive endings, what has happened ?

loads.

the great thing about practice is just that, the constant practicing.

at the end of this week, i do have comparted thinking, it's great for sure.

my video investigation is spurred on by a possibility to respond to "a call for submissions". normally i don't bother as the current trends and fashions are uninteresting and not quite suited to the work and thinking in my backpack. however.

the notion of a revolution implies a beginning and a return to the same point. as a revolution of a cycle wheel, a record, a cd. why can't a revolution be a 180 degrees ? why does it have to complete the 360 to be classed as a revolution. if the end is where it began, all that can be said of that revolution is of the time of duration, things will have happened. another revolution following the first and again the same process of experiences through time, as watching a film is.

my research has been considering the notion of peak oil. not a derbyshire company, a condition first defined in 1956.

revolution is just one letter on from evolution. so close to each other. a timebased work has a specified beginning and an end, as a 360 degree motion. however in my work, i'm exploring the possibilty of the end being at the 180 degree point.

i've been practicing to day. frustrations at images not being as i want them to be, countless cups of tea and thinking and trying. then washing up. oh yes, there's always a distractive washing process.

now, i'm tired and foggy. it might snow, the fog will clear.

am i making sense. does it matter, i can type and leave my thoughts. my thoughts have been pushed this week. time soon to relax, to get away from it all.

i'll make a cup of tea and watch a film.

when an action makes you think.

when i became a student, i naively wanted discussion and passion and interesting things to happen to me, as part of my student experience. i didn't expect to become a hinderance to a business. i didn't like hearing about chris' experience at the main campus. it happened to her on the day i was on a cultural rersearch visit to loughborough.

at loughborough i had the sort of experience that i had wanted to be my experience. i am a victim of my own descision three years ago, as maybe i could have chosen another university to apply to, oh but i had applied to derby because of the course on offer. little did i expect it to be so bad. at least i know now that a whole new programme has been written and an acknowledgement of me being there at not a good time.

so where am i going with this? well ,in our corportised public spheres, it is difficult to really know what a sphere is really like as the marketing department will construct the vision of a few to attract those vunerable enough to bite on the bait.

so i continue to walk around and endeavour to talk to those around me. in those conversations, the "oh in an ideal world" gets wheeled out. it's funny how many people woould like an ideal world, with so many wanting it, why is there no attempt to achieve it. given the current state of the wider public sphere, those attempting an ideal can't really muck it up any more than has already been achieved.

as for education, it's dull without inspiring conversation.

a time to decide.

a time to decide wether to drink, eat or go out. i will be going out later, just wether to make later, earlier. if it was earlier, then the descision to be made wound be less involved.

i've been reading and thinking and listening to a cv lecture in semi darkness, which was nice.

oh, then, oh joy ! a letter for the previous owner of the house and it's not an early christmas card, but a letter demanding money. i say, the cheek of some people. i wound the woman up at the office of the lender, she was insistant that i shouldn't have opened the letter. i kept saying i wanted to put them straight. if there's a dispute we can all listen to the recording. i wonder if they record the bits when you are on hold. i so curse so much, waiting for an option i don't know exists yet i need to find one that fits. wow, western world certainly has advanced to a higher plane.

yes an interesting day here.

i never commented about the talk i went to last week.

yes.

there, done that.

going to leave the production of stuff alone for a while. there's reading to do young man and a seminar to present and then write up, and i want to be write on for it. oh yes it does get as corney as that.

so, a cup of tea or not ? …

a slightly bust time.

this week has been slightly busy, mid term assesment of research progress and tutorial for dissertation progress.

one is in happier state than the other. somehow i've got the unhappier one with time spread before it, so i have two weeks to catch up, in my own mind that is.

staying happy and relaxed is prooving useful. in previous years the unhappiness got in the way of progression. obviously i would want everything to progress at the same rate. reality is not like that. it's more of a see saw forward progression, actually see sawing with a walking model applies. if someone says to me, "oh yeah, it;'s like that for everyone", i still struggle with how that helps me. i still have to waddle painfully forward at times. how does knowing about some one else's pain help me ?

attending an artist talk outside the institution this evening. i wonder what the audience will be like. the work under discussion of of a questionable quality.

oh it's so busy. must dash 4 tea.

what's it like at the moment ?

it's a difficult question to answer.

listening to a scientist talking about testing light sources for office workers, he spoke of not discussing expectation.

i experience expectation anxiety with regard to a dissertation tutorial tomorrow. intellect and emotion clashing as to what tomorrow is about. the honesty comes into the equation when considering what to say about progress so far. expectation coming into it with regard to my intellectual fantasy about where i would like to be compared to the actual situation.

after relaxing about the actual, the situation becomes more dealable with and as such, possibly more achieveable as progress is being made from an actual position not a projected fantasy.

it's quite exciting really.