University of Derby

a reminder.

i receive extra tutor time as part of my dyslexic support package. i’ve had a session with my tutor today, the exhibition proposal deadline is next monday. everything went well up until the point where I showed the tutor the module descriptor, i was way off fulfilling what was being asked of me. i’m trying to write a statement to go with the work. her response was “it’s cold, very little personal engagement in it”.

we discussed it and i have been reminded of part of my process. i must remember that when I want to write about what i’ve been making in an attempt to give contextual background, i must tell someone what i’ve been doing face to face and then transcribe that into the written form. it’s all there when i talk about it, when attempting to write about it, it all freezes and becomes like attempting to unblock a sink. if I wanted to be a plumber I would have done another course.

I’m over the tired/bored phase of recent days.

there’s a third year fine art derby fundraiser on saturday and i’m putting some tunes together for the evening, so if nothing else I’ll like the music they play.

and

I’ve been told to drink more water.

why do a degree

why do a degree when there could be three years of fun and earning and having a good time, with no one influencing or passing comment on ‘where you are’ or ‘what you are doing’

why do a degree, when there’s wikipedia to learn everything you need to know about the planet on which we live and the inhabitants of that planet.

why do a degree…

because as an investment, it’s maybe safer to invest in yourself than something that you rely on other people to participate in to make a success.

because maybe as a path, it allows for progression of thinking, compare creed to wood and harrison. when money is difficult to come by and technology reaches a peak, which practice is will be more sustainable.

because it’ll be painful, and in recovering from the pain, lessons will be there for the learning from.

because it’ll take oneself as far as oneself allows oneself to go.

because just maybe the process will show oneself aspects of oneself that oneself didn’t know about oneself.

because maybe it will develop a confidence in oneself to walk through a gallery of other practioner’s work and know when to stop and look.

back to semblance of sustainable living.

thank you amy for pointing out something obviously very blatant yet to me was so not so.

my new friend is called eric and I did meet up with him again chris. it was lovely, we sat and looked at each other, not much was said, there didn’t need to be, the communication was within the eyes. we made a bit of a mistake with where we went for food. it was in derby, i’ll not tell where, it’s not important.

we spent the rest of friday together and much of the weekend. it was so free and easy, like walking in a field of willow, so grounded yet free to explore and experience things. i had some time on my own to clean up, which was a good time for me. cleaning is so rewarding, doing something that afterwards leaves a clean visible legacy.

he had to go away on sunday, we met and ate food again, another place, out of the way, very good honest food, there is hope I feel. i feel i got quite close to eric, he’s gone away now, not sure when i’ll see him again. there is an option of online assignations, i’m not sure they’ll be as rewarding as seeing him in the every day existence called my real world.

so i’m left with an enriched life and actually have been able to relax and unwind a bit. up until eric came into my life i was getting a bit lost.

i can now re-engage with my study. there’s another deadline in a couple of weeks. it’s for the proposal for the exhibition. i see the exhibition as something at the end of an elongated period of research. certainly i will have way more research in the assessment room than work on display. this is something that had been freaking me out when i thought about it late at night. i concluded, don’t think about it late at night.

with the exhibition proposal deadline looming, now is time for me to resolve the thinking and research, to a point where i can begin to propose how i will present it. i keep in mind, this is still part of my education, still part of a period of learning and as such should be fun, as attempting to learn in an environment that is not fun is really hard work.

having caught you up to date. i can now drink tea. cheers.

context

' As one intelligence analyst put it, if he makes himself more visible, he'll be easier to eliminate. '

made a new friend tuesday. was so up tight, i didn't realise at the time.

have spent time re-connecting.

the ground has returned, and once again the basil is fresh.

today i'm going to clean up and go visit the new friend.

i'll let you know how it goes.

i’ve hit something. not in a car crash manner. in a personal exhaustive manner.

it’s affecting me across the board. i say board, i can’t tell you what the game is any more. it’s not fun and I’m being too clever, which is screwing up my ability to be me with feet on ground, elbows on table and mug of tea within grasp.

another deadline has appeared for a few weeks time. strange how the loniness of working and enjoying that is followed by a one to one meeting in which the obvious ‘push it’ comes out and all that was foundated becomes a soggy boggy mess around my feet with only the tide to help me.

my seemingly pushing the work is resulting in poor quality private life which i am in charge of so ultimately have to sort it out for myself.

i’m tired, which makes it hard to concentrate on the journal work I really need to do prior to wrting the stuff for the assessment thingy.

i tired, so what my work is about is elusive to me.

i tired so sorting anything out becomes a major issue.

i’ve been pushing myself to make versions of what i’m currently calling monument. i know i’m not giving myself enough time to process what i’ve made and feed it into the main research.

i know this should be fun, i’m managing to make it not fun.

i have a detail from the work i currently call monument to show you.

i’m finding hard to relax and take a day off, to recharge several batteries that feel quite low.
low batteries=a low andrew.

even getting up to make some tea seems huge today.