University of Kent

What a difference 48 hours made – I started off the week on my feet, and now I’m on my head, folded like a paperclip, butt-end up.

After that undignified start, I might as well carry on. The new oil paintings I’ve been working on met with unanimous approval when I took them to the studio on Monday, but the mental mayhem began when I returned the next day with the full amount of paintings and drawings I’ve accumulated, ready to lay them out all together. After a long session of arranging and rearranging, our tutor suggested that the drawings and watercolours jarred with the oil paintings, and that we should try taking them out. Taking them out entirely. Cutting away 40% of the body of work I’ve been amassing since September, despite quantity being one of the piece’s major factors. Looking at the remains, I started to question the entire point of the brief I’d given myself. At this point I became desperate for a cup of tea and a darkened room in which to lie down.

To make things worse, I can see exactly what she means. The others who were present all agreed as well. The oil paintings are just so much beefier that they bully the other pieces, and seen on their own, it’s obvious that they’ve taken on their own unifying language. I can’t fight any of the logic in this pruning; I wholeheartedly embrace the value of editing in writing, so why shouldn’t I apply the same metaphor to visual communication? I guess the editor in me doesn’t want to be the edited, but tough. It would definitely be better to have fewer pieces, of higher quality. But dammit, that means a shedload of new work to get through, and probably taking time away from the sculpture. Speaking of which, I haven’t been able to get back to the carving yet because of the sudden development in my right arm of something like tennis elbow (that’s what people keep calling it, but I’d have preferred something more mysterious, although less painful). No swinging a mallet for me for a bit. I must have been visibly wilting under the weight of the work ahead, as the tutor suggested leaving the sculptures to two versions – the candle and the wooden carving. I haven’t come around to that yet – it feels too much like admitting defeat.

All of this is becoming very worrying, when I think about the amount of extra work I’ve given myself, writing for the Henwood 8 website. I do enjoy it, but now that I’ve got three blogs to maintain I think I might be a bit battier than I previously thought. Battiness is something I could use a little less of right now, after realising today that my MA plans have gone down the pan. My current coping strategy for dealing with the onslaught of post-graduation uncertainty that this brings, combined with the unforeseen redirection of my degree show, is to increase tea intake and consume large amounts of chocolate. Large amounts.

Going into the start of the week in your professional shoes on means that the mucky work tends to get neglected, and so far, nothing whatsoever has been done on the painting or scupture front. I’d set Monday aside as a non-mucky day – presentations, show planning, catching up – and then back to swinging a mallet on Tuesday. I didn’t realise that the entire thing would span both of our studio days. The presentation went down quite well on Monday, with interesting questions and feedback, and a lot of audience engagement. There was serious excitement over the prospect of a cake sculpture, which I didn’t anticipate, and lots of helpful questions and observations on the paintings. I don’t think I could have asked for more, really!

Sitting in the lecture room, listening to the rest of the group deliver their presentations, I realised how little I knew about the work that was taking shape around me. We’re a small group, so we know each others’ work fairly well, and we all have an idea of what the others do and why. In the last few months, however, we’ve all had to concentrate so much more on our own practices that we’ve become more distanced from one another. Being out of the main studio all of the time now has made it harder for me to keep up with the others’ work, and it was good to hear about the processes that the others are going through. Also, while some people, like Lisa, Ellie and Karen, do most of their work in the studio, others do much of it off campus. All of my painting is done in my living room, so no-one sees it until it’s ready to be taken in for a crit or a tutorial. Kerene’s copper-framed cocoon, made in her back garden, was brought in on Tuesday, much to our delight. Xanthus, however, is our chief secret squirrel – working like crazy at home on his very ambitious, usually top-secret projects, only bringing in snippets before installing the completed pieces in situ.

Having the chance to sit and make notes on the very different practices, methods and inspirations within our group, direct from the artists, was definitely helpful for me. I have to do a fair bit of writing on the exhibition for our website and social media, and it’s a lot easier with a bit more personal insight.

After the morning’s presentations, we made models of our space requirements and placed them in the 1:20 scale model of the studio which Xanthus had made for us to use for planning the exhibition hang. Actually, it was a bit like playing with a doll’s house! It helped to be able to visualise the curation, to anticipate the flow of the exhibition, the relationships between pieces and lines of sight, and the only thing which was missing at the time was Ellie’s tent. I snapped up someone’s idea for displaying my sculptures, which I really wish I’d thought up myself, but will still be using regardless.

We all seem to be thinking past the show with a touch of sadness. While I was showing some of the group around a-n’s blogging platform, one person said it would be good to be connected to a network after leaving college; it would be lonely otherwise. I’m sure we’ll run into each other here, and in the real world on the odd occasion.

Unusually for me, I’ve been thinking past the show without much worry. I just hate uncertainty, but I don’t seem to have the energy to freak out over the future. I still don’t know about my MA prospects, whether any work will come up close to home or in London, or if I’ll be staying in this area. Interestingly, in the last week I’ve had three separate emails from bands – one from a member of the band l was with last year – looking for a singer. I said yes to the first, to start after the exhibition, but now I have to see how many I could take on, with rehearsals and gig times. Strange that they should come all at once; it’s made me think seriously about viewing it as another option for work. It would be hilarious if I ended up doing that as my full-time work, after going down the academic route specifically to get out of the self-employment pool! It may be that freelancing is the best way for me after all.

My first video! I think that deserves a mid-week post, eh?

The slide/powerpoint presentations on our work are to be delivered on Monday, and I finally finished it this morning. Although I don’t mind speaking extemporaneously, and do encourage questions when presenting my work, I decided it would be easier to cut down on the waffle and write some notes for each slide. When I realised that I could record the script, I thought I might as well do it and keep it for posterity… so I have! Now you can marvel at my peculiar trans-atlantic accent, and get the low-down on what my work is about without having to scroll through months of blog posts.

I do feel compelled to apologise for the poor audio quality. If I do any more, I’ll find a way to tidy that up first. Strangely, as soon as I hit ‘record’, the budgerigars started to cheep extremely loudly, so I had to give my presentation in the bathroom. True.

A narrated slideshow on my degree project.

Boyfriends are sometimes good. Often they can be troublesome. The trouble with boyfriends presents itself in the fact that they rarely remain as they are, and often have the nasty habit of turning into ex-boyfriends or… husbands.

Most troublesome of all, of course, are ex-husbands. Technically, this last metamorphosis should fall under the category of the trouble with husbands, nevertheless, it may be argued that the state of boyfriend-dom is the initial cause. Boyfriends and their alternative manifestations are also, unavoidably, my most consistent source of material for my work. The fragility of this state actually makes for some interesting work as well, but also for some interesting situations where the boyfriend’s stoicism must be tested to the limit in the face of a plethora of images of other men. My current boyfriend is not at all troublesome, and long may he remain so… he is, actually, extremely supportive and very understanding, despite being constantly bombarded by business cards and other forms of marketing bearing the images of male bodies, and having to endure conversations on my dissertation research along the subject of “the problem with the penis”. There may not have been much of an option in this, as this line of work pre-dated the relationship, and if he was even vaguely insecure it surely couldn’t have made it off the ground to begin with.

Now that I’ve started my first proper portrait of him, specifically for this project, I’ve been grilling myself just a bit. Have I become more loved-up because of starting the portrait, or did I start the portrait because of being more loved-up? Why on earth do I even come out with these kinds of questions when other people would just get on with the painting? My mother once looked at a few of my portraits and said that when I’m involved with someone, I always paint them beautifully. This was an unveiled dig at the fact that I still hadn’t done that promised painting of her. Regardless of that barb, I started to think about the relationship between my relationships and my portraits. Could it be that something does rub off into the work? I’m not sure about that any more. I’ve only got one ex-husband and one ex-boyfriend to distribute throughout my wall of men, and I’m not giving any hints as to who’s who. There are enough mates in there with interesting portraits (although I won’t tell you which ones I fancied at one point or another). Also, the portraits of the volunteered husbands of girl-friends should disprove the theory. Unless they fail miserably, in which case it’s time for some proper self-analysis.

Away from all that, and fast. I’ve got some good news to share. It’s not my news, but a that of a fellow student at Henwood. Kate Linforth is in the second year of the HND, and will be on the BA course next year. We chat a lot on campus in our capacities as student reps, and she lets me waffle on about the course and my plans for an artist’s collective after graduating. If my constant cajoling has had any effect, she’ll be joining the blogs next year and entertaining you with a slice of Henwood life in my stead.

I’m not entirely altruistic in plugging her on my blog – I’m going to be exceptionally crafty and take as much credit as I can for her future glittering career, you see. It’s been very exciting to see Kate’s ideas develop in the form of her wax accretion sculptures, and without giving too much away, there’s something very tempting about the regular-yet-irregular ridges and fissures she creates within her plaster bowls. They’ve also been featured on page 17 of the Addiction issue of HESA inprint. Back to the news – Kate’s got her first residency – at Room, which is a mobile art space in the Swale area of Kent – in April and May this year. Hooray! Of course I’ve got the scoop for an interview with Kate for the Henwood 8 blog – no fool, I – and I’m super chuffed for her. She very kindly accredited me with a push to apply for the residency when I said a few weeks ago that we have to make our own opportunities. It’s nice to know that I’ve said at least one useful thing in amongst all of the waffling.

http://www.hesainprint.com/issues

http://roomnorthkent.wordpress.com/

Scribbling this blog longhand on a train bound for London, I can use the time to reflect on the week gone by and the day ahead – and hope that no one sits next to me.

This trip in itself could be seen as a marker of failure, as its purpose is to collect some paintings which were not selected for exhibitions. But these things don’t bother me. I’ve decided to accept them as part of the learning process and see them as useful experiences. I’m reminded of a ‘how to be a writer’ book I read when I was eleven or twelve – it said to get used to rejection, expect enough publishers’ rejection letters to paper a room, or something like that. Maybe that’s what put me off writing! That, or more likely, that interest just fizzled out in the face of art. Anyway, it’s a principle which applies to all creative endeavour. Keep trying and keep learning. The whole concept of dealing with rejection hasn’t always been something I’ve been so adept at, but I’ve picked it up over the last few years when I’ve been creating more and subsequently trying more. Also, I’ve been accepted into exhibitions I thought I had little chance of, where others I know have been unsuccessful, so the point is that to get something out, you’ve got to put something in. There’s only a chance if you try. Also, I think about some more writer’s advice – write about what you know. Well, my plan is to add every experience, whether good or bad, to my bag of tricks. I’ve got enough for a few hair-raising stories… but you’ll have to buy the book first!

I have to rush across the city and make it back in time to pick up the young man from his football club. It’s a pain to have to be in London without making the most of it but it’s better than dragging a bored kid and a giant portfolio around on the tube. Today will also give me a break from the paintings I started this week as well as the work I’ve been doing for our end of year exhibition.

Before leaving I emailed the others about the blog/website I’ve made for our show. Inspired by/stealing from Lily Daniels, I want to do some interviews with the group. I’m hoping this will create good, high quality content without my having to spend hours drafting and editing essays about each person, although composing and editing each interview will still take quite some time. The site will also be helpful for some of us without websites as well, so I don’t feel too bad about nagging the others during the break. For some reason it took absolutely ages to write up the first blog post – a blurb about our exhibition. After all this, I’m inclined to include ‘freelance editor’ to my cv. I’m also managing the Twitter account and administrating the Facebook page with Xanthus, as Kate was headlining that aspect but has to step back from that now.

Earlier on I designed the ad for a-n’s Degrees Publication, based on Kate’s design. I’m realising for just how many things the buck stops with me.. which of course is grand if they all work out well, but if not… whoops.

I think that all of this effort is to make up for what I believe to be a significant disadvantage – not being a London art school.This perceived bias is something which I’ve heard mentioned elsewhere, and may well be just that – perceived – but after reading broadsheet reviews of graduate art shows and noting that they were composed exclusively of London schools, I felt that our tiny college might as well not exist in certain circles. Is all of this marketing going to amount to anything? I don’t know – I guess that’s down to how you define a successful result. I do know that I, personally, have worked far too hard at my own practice to let this show come and go with a whimper, without even trying for a bang. After all, it’s more than an exhibition’s presence which has an impact; it’s the documentation which also persists and transports the content across time and place.

So it may not always go to plan, but to get something out, we’ve got to put something in. There’s only a chance if you try.

www.henwood8.blogspot.co.uk

www.facebook.com/Henwood8

@Henwood8