University of Wolverhampton

As I said to my friend, I hope that when we graduate we get a BA in Organising Meetings and Display Stands and Photographers and Basically Everything. As well as the degree I'm meant to be working on.

My work is progressing fairly well. The attitude I have is that I am near the end now and everything I have made can either go well, or not, and that's it. I'm doing all I can to make sure our work is advertised and publicised but sometimes it seems there's maybe two, three people doing all the work, with everyone else happy to just potter (har har) along.

Had a lot of trouble in the department recently with individuals not pulling their weight and general stress. Looking through the other blogs on here doesn't help. We don't have a catalogue, or a pack thing or anything. None of our work has appeared, or is likely to appear in any magazines. It's clearly a very different audience but Ceramic Review and Craftsman don't have student blog facilities so this is my only outlet. Maybe our course isn't so organised and on the ball as I thought it might be.

Maybe I'm not so determined as I thought. There are a few blogs on here I love reading because they are truthful and funny and real, and some of them are getting far. Maybe I'm not committed enough. I entered the New Art Theory competition as well as some others on here, but I didn't really think much of it, just sent a bit off and that was that. Was that bad or not? I want to just try everything and go for all the opportunities, because I might as well. But what if I'm not really getting anywhere because I'm not a critic, or an artist, or a proper craftsman, or whatever?

Argh soul-rending doubt combined with late night! I spent 8am – 8pm yesterday sorting out our photographer for everyone. Today I spent the morning sorting out the photos to send to a PR company for one of the shows, the afternoon in two meetings about exhibitions and the course. Eventually about 5 I got to actually do some ceramics. And then spent 6-8 on portfolio. Came home and cooked dinner.

Maybe all this fluster and worry is created by the fact I seriously need a lie in. Hand in next Friday (but not really because we can still do 2D work – what?) so…good? I think.

Well my absence surely just shows how hard-working I am, how dedicated etc etc yawn.

In recent news! I went for an interview at Leeds to do an Ma in History of Art and was offered a conditional place. So that's pretty exciting. Although now I am worrying about if I don't get the requirements for the conditional offer, but before I was fine.

I'm also applying for various residencies in schools so I can teach the future, man, about art and stuff, dude. And, clearly, I'm freaking out a bit about the impending degree show et al.

When everyone in the department says "Oh your year's degree show is going to be fabulous" you start worrying: what if it's not? What if none of it works? What if the damned RECESSION (yes, I said it) has meant no-one can afford anything or we can't afford to make anything (last week I spent £150 on clay and colour. That's 10 weeks' food shopping).

On the other hand, I could bitch about how it's all a terrible struggle, bleat on about how no-one understands artists or craftsmen and how it's all so bloody Nietschze. But really, we're doing something we love for three years, and then, if the passion is there, you're doing it for the rest of your life. Yes, it's pressured, yes it's frustrating, yes you are essentially playing to the crowd, but so what? What are your other choices? What is there in life but pleasure in work? Love may come and go, friends may be true or torture and family (as Easter never fails to point out) are absolutely atrocious.

But work…aah, work. The ever-fixed mark on which you can rely. If you love, and I mean love, your work, then you surely have the greatest empowerment of all.

I've been reading a lot lately about craft and work and the ethics of aforementioned. I haven't got to a point where I think I can talk about it wisely enough (probably won't in all my life). But when I get to a point where I think I can talk about it brusquely and aggressively, I will definitely do it here.

PS Image is sideways. Why?

You know when you are having a fair-to-average day, and then you start fucking your work up, and it just gets worse and worse and worse? That was today. I am bored of:

1) Having no money to buy materials

2) Having no work through the kiln because I buggered up the first firing

3) Constantly thinking and worrying about my work and whether it will be ready and whether it will actually survive through the whole process

4) Distressing myself over whether my work is even worth all the bloody hassle or not

5) Portfolios and websites

6) University

It all seems a little boring now, as if we are gradually winding down (which we are) but winding down into a dark, dark abyss full of sharp objects. I find myself disenchanted with a piece of work nearly almost as soon as I have made it, or forcing myself not to care about it in case it breaks or explodes or melts. I find myself even more disenchanted with the university environment, the tense atmosphere, the fairly regular hysterical outbursts that, at least, leaven the weighty cloud seeping through the department.

I keep becoming frustrated at other students and their whining, whittling, incomprehensible blathering. Or the constant bollocks that streams from some of the tutors' mouths. Or the erratic heaters (damn you!). But mostly I am angry with those who are touting around some half-arsed attempt at discourse in order to disguise their lacklustre work.

Bullshit and bad making go hand in hand; any chips and crawls can easily be magicked away with a good solid dose of absolutely inane, unsupported and completely unbelievable "artistic discourse". I shall not and will not succumb to that beast, sir, never! You make it, you make it good, you let everyone appreciate the pure unadultered pleasure of something that is well-constructed, and then you explain the theory if you want to. The desire to surface over the cracks with some 'post-modern' polyfilla is not in the heart of the craftsman, it is in the heart of the man who is tricking himself. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone – and no matter what surface Beauty you can conjure up with words, the Beast will always be there.

Yesterday was officially the start of the stressful period. I advised a first year to avoid the studio, being as it was that all the third years were shouting, screaming and generally swearing at each other. Things were thrown and smashed, there was tea-drinking and a feeling of weight descended upon everyone. We have finally realised exactly what we are required to achieve; how much work, how much money for the shows, the show itself, exhibition spaces, promo stuff, websites, portfolios, and also eating and sleeping. The stress is hitting some harder than others, and to see friends break down because they feel they have no talent, or it's not worth it, or 'who cares anyway?' is destructive. Our course benefits from supportive tutors (for the most part) who are intent on giving us far over-and-above what is timetabled into our week. Our technicians are angels in dirty overalls and constantly will give you support even in their lunch break. Incredible? Yes. Unappreciated? Never.

However, some courses have to deal with tutors who at best are critical, indecisive and nonchalant about a potentially fantastic group of final year students. At worst, they literally reduce individuals to tears or drive them to despair. The morale in certain final year groups in the university is frighteningly low, resulting in less work and a lack of inspiration. Imagine the worst teacher you ever had at school, the one who never engaged you, never interested you and just didn't give a toss. And multiply it by the knowledge that you have skills and understanding, and you are a grown-up now, but you still feel just as frustrated and impotent. Trying to create work in the face of such disparate marking, tutorial time and decision making processes is nowhere near as easy as a challenge. It only affirms to me exactly how important good tutors are, and how hard it is to be both supportive and critical at the same time. Everyone has their off days with tutors, as I have already mentioned, but to feel as though your work is never good enough because of their comments is something much, much worse.

Hopefully their issues will be resolved and they will put on a stunning exhibition that will knock the socks off the doubters. I'm sure they will, but the final year of your degree should be enjoyable and exciting, not a struggle against a flow of unfounded negative opinion.

As a nu-Luddite (I have an Ipod) I have only just worked out how to get images on here. Wow. Embarrassing.

My work seems to be going well. A brief worry that I would have to produce as much as a dear friend of mine, who is working to be a production thrower i.e. mugs everywhere, for the final show has been dismissed and I need to concentrate on bases, thickness, and firings. My previous posts have discussed (cough cough) my decision to do what I want now, and it seems to be met with fair-to-positive approval.

I've also managed to start setting up my own website through a business grant I received, which is exciting. And sorting out a residency as well. Also exciting. And applying for an MA. Cor blimey.

All this means is that the final semester will be busy but it feels correct; all the work so far has built up to this time. The students who didn't bother last year, or even the first year, who weren't as committed or concerned – it's starting to show. The opportunities for those who are passionate are suddenly all the more obvious, as are the lack of routes to take for those who have thrown away three years. I'm not saying this with malice but fact. I worked like a demon first year; second year suffered some emotional issues (read, went crazy) and missed out; this year I have set out to achieve good things and I am achieving good things. Like anything you learn or realise in life, you wish they had explained it to you at the start.

I won't lie and say that I'm not gently, and increasingly, panicky about next year. Well, not even next year – a few months. But I am also gently, increasingly, excited. The desire to put on a great show is driving my work forward in a way I would never have anticipated. Maybe this is the bit where you're not a student anymore, you're a maker, or artist, or designer. The grown-up wants to stop playing and start showing people just what you've got.

All this is also brought on by the various rumours about our particular university encouraging voluntary redundancies. Discussing it in the department, the verdict is that this first year (graduates in 2011) will be the last to go through the doors, at least for our little corner of the School of Art and Design. The way of all flesh is, seemingly, the way of all clay.