University of Wolverhampton

You know when you are having a fair-to-average day, and then you start fucking your work up, and it just gets worse and worse and worse? That was today. I am bored of:

1) Having no money to buy materials

2) Having no work through the kiln because I buggered up the first firing

3) Constantly thinking and worrying about my work and whether it will be ready and whether it will actually survive through the whole process

4) Distressing myself over whether my work is even worth all the bloody hassle or not

5) Portfolios and websites

6) University

It all seems a little boring now, as if we are gradually winding down (which we are) but winding down into a dark, dark abyss full of sharp objects. I find myself disenchanted with a piece of work nearly almost as soon as I have made it, or forcing myself not to care about it in case it breaks or explodes or melts. I find myself even more disenchanted with the university environment, the tense atmosphere, the fairly regular hysterical outbursts that, at least, leaven the weighty cloud seeping through the department.

I keep becoming frustrated at other students and their whining, whittling, incomprehensible blathering. Or the constant bollocks that streams from some of the tutors' mouths. Or the erratic heaters (damn you!). But mostly I am angry with those who are touting around some half-arsed attempt at discourse in order to disguise their lacklustre work.

Bullshit and bad making go hand in hand; any chips and crawls can easily be magicked away with a good solid dose of absolutely inane, unsupported and completely unbelievable "artistic discourse". I shall not and will not succumb to that beast, sir, never! You make it, you make it good, you let everyone appreciate the pure unadultered pleasure of something that is well-constructed, and then you explain the theory if you want to. The desire to surface over the cracks with some 'post-modern' polyfilla is not in the heart of the craftsman, it is in the heart of the man who is tricking himself. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone – and no matter what surface Beauty you can conjure up with words, the Beast will always be there.

Yesterday was officially the start of the stressful period. I advised a first year to avoid the studio, being as it was that all the third years were shouting, screaming and generally swearing at each other. Things were thrown and smashed, there was tea-drinking and a feeling of weight descended upon everyone. We have finally realised exactly what we are required to achieve; how much work, how much money for the shows, the show itself, exhibition spaces, promo stuff, websites, portfolios, and also eating and sleeping. The stress is hitting some harder than others, and to see friends break down because they feel they have no talent, or it's not worth it, or 'who cares anyway?' is destructive. Our course benefits from supportive tutors (for the most part) who are intent on giving us far over-and-above what is timetabled into our week. Our technicians are angels in dirty overalls and constantly will give you support even in their lunch break. Incredible? Yes. Unappreciated? Never.

However, some courses have to deal with tutors who at best are critical, indecisive and nonchalant about a potentially fantastic group of final year students. At worst, they literally reduce individuals to tears or drive them to despair. The morale in certain final year groups in the university is frighteningly low, resulting in less work and a lack of inspiration. Imagine the worst teacher you ever had at school, the one who never engaged you, never interested you and just didn't give a toss. And multiply it by the knowledge that you have skills and understanding, and you are a grown-up now, but you still feel just as frustrated and impotent. Trying to create work in the face of such disparate marking, tutorial time and decision making processes is nowhere near as easy as a challenge. It only affirms to me exactly how important good tutors are, and how hard it is to be both supportive and critical at the same time. Everyone has their off days with tutors, as I have already mentioned, but to feel as though your work is never good enough because of their comments is something much, much worse.

Hopefully their issues will be resolved and they will put on a stunning exhibition that will knock the socks off the doubters. I'm sure they will, but the final year of your degree should be enjoyable and exciting, not a struggle against a flow of unfounded negative opinion.