You know when you are having a fair-to-average day, and then you start fucking your work up, and it just gets worse and worse and worse? That was today. I am bored of:
1) Having no money to buy materials
2) Having no work through the kiln because I buggered up the first firing
3) Constantly thinking and worrying about my work and whether it will be ready and whether it will actually survive through the whole process
4) Distressing myself over whether my work is even worth all the bloody hassle or not
5) Portfolios and websites
6) University
It all seems a little boring now, as if we are gradually winding down (which we are) but winding down into a dark, dark abyss full of sharp objects. I find myself disenchanted with a piece of work nearly almost as soon as I have made it, or forcing myself not to care about it in case it breaks or explodes or melts. I find myself even more disenchanted with the university environment, the tense atmosphere, the fairly regular hysterical outbursts that, at least, leaven the weighty cloud seeping through the department.
I keep becoming frustrated at other students and their whining, whittling, incomprehensible blathering. Or the constant bollocks that streams from some of the tutors' mouths. Or the erratic heaters (damn you!). But mostly I am angry with those who are touting around some half-arsed attempt at discourse in order to disguise their lacklustre work.
Bullshit and bad making go hand in hand; any chips and crawls can easily be magicked away with a good solid dose of absolutely inane, unsupported and completely unbelievable "artistic discourse". I shall not and will not succumb to that beast, sir, never! You make it, you make it good, you let everyone appreciate the pure unadultered pleasure of something that is well-constructed, and then you explain the theory if you want to. The desire to surface over the cracks with some 'post-modern' polyfilla is not in the heart of the craftsman, it is in the heart of the man who is tricking himself. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone – and no matter what surface Beauty you can conjure up with words, the Beast will always be there.
