Unrecorded: this is the next step.

Feeling a bit better today about Book of Essays, it is a difficult thing to perform, a book. Never had the chance to develop something so considered in performance before. My aspirations are to create something with perhaps more ambition that my current limitations allow. Against that, my work is bound to fail to reach intentions.

I began to think of my practice differently when I took a workshop using my gains from my first performance at ]Performance Space[ with the artist Lynn Lu. It was good to be with a group of performance artists making work, as strange as it sounds, it doesn’t happen that often. And perhaps I should do something more solitary – if I burn myself out then I do not have the regret of upsetting others in the process.

Prior to the workshop we had to read up articles relating to empathy. Empathy in performance terms seems to be a vehicle for a transference of emotion between the artist and the audience. She also asked us to bring food item and an object that was not attached via personal connection or utilitarian means.

It was a great way to think about using objects: they had a connection – an allusion of meaning or similarity but they were not obvious. You had to work on them. This is a really good way of making suggestive connections between objects.

In the workshop I tried a few things. I ran at people till I could not stop myself, bought people opposite the LADA’s White Building and sat looking in eating Udon noodles with the group. With the object I grouped everyone together and asked them to hold onto a napkin, leaning back. I then placed crackers behind their feet to mark a breaking point when someone leant back too far.

I seem to want to use the audience as a material. Or some collaborators. I use words or instructions. I like to push things. I was really taken by Rocio Bolivio‘s work. She balanced on a chair until she fell over, pressed pomegranates into her eyes and ran blind trusting the group to catch her before she ran into a wall or an iron beam.

I am getting closer to being able to define myself I think.

This is late. Not a good sign.

Today is the post performance entry. I performed the Book of Essays both last night and the previous Friday, to different audiences with a few changes in both. My lovely assistants, partners in performance Bree and Sabina were a bit tired of the constant game changing and under developed nature of it all. And frankly I was too.This blog will most likely discredit my efforts in this process of development. As an artist I am terrified of failure, both in terms of content and delivery. I hope Sabina and Bree will want to work with me again. In the meantime I think I need to develop my practice on my own for a bit.

There were a few things that affected my ability to handle the project, notably handing in my notice at my former job, cutting me off from a source of income and audience members. I had to work full time for a week and a half in the run up to the show, people were sick (including myself) and I injured my back just before the first performance – caught me by complete surprise. These are the potential pitfalls. I have not received enough money to complete my final session of mentoring in Bristol but hope to soon.

I look forward to getting in contact with Farnham Maltings, thanking them for the support and asking for feedback. I will ask for feedback from Sylvia and edit my footage with a friend, finally some good documentation.

Now, though is a good time. I can look at who I am as an artist, where I am as a performer and what I make as a maker.

I have left a section of a rehearsal. Tell me what you think. Will post again, this blog is still alive.

Book of Essays