A lot of things have slotted into place recently. I can’t quite understand how it’s happening but I guess it’s as a result of my involvement with the MA to which I’ve at last committed wholeheartedly. I’ve given up my role as tutor to a local art group. Much as I enjoyed teaching again, I realised that it was yet another diversionary tactic to avoid thinking about ART. We were told at the start of the MA to ‘dig deep’. I suddenly saw how stupid it was to waste this precious time in my life. There is a need to prioritise. I seem to have belatedly grasped the trick of living in the moment – not worrying about the future, not regretting the past. It’s liberating.
Painting has taken a leap forward by allowing the paint take over. Something I’ve tried in the past and have read about as vital, but until now obviously didn’t quite understand the process. Thoughts on this by various artists are all beginning to make perfect sense to me. Paint is a unique medium. Things happen. It flows. Adjacent colours dramatically change in front of your eyes. I’m learning to react intuitively to whatever occurs on the canvas… almost to follow the paint’s lead. Paintings really do ‘finish themselves’ if you allow them to.
Making and watching the videos of myself painting has taught me this. It’s surreal to watch the dramatic changes which happen in seconds sometimes by the small additions and subtractions of colour. A line or a wiping out can create such differences to the composition. I’ve even managed to make shapes float in space creating an almost 3D effect on a 2D surface and I’m not sure how I did that. I think, for almost the first time in my life I have completely surrendered my existence to my practice and not considered why I’m doing it. It’s just all I need to do at the moment. I’m not considering if a work will sell or if it will please my tutors – I’m just painting because I must and it feels right.
