WALK A MILE

What I wrote last time was more of a whinge than an update of the project I couldn’t figure why I was so pissed off. I’m normally pretty laid back about my past, I realise that people have various opinions and have always been a bit respectful of them. But the moan last week sounded as if I had a chip on my shoulder over it, which I didn’t think I had. I’ve never been ashamed of my time away, even though it was for a huge amount of class A drugs. I’d always justified it by the fact I was used as a drugs mule, stitched up.

Getting back to where the fore mentioned chip on my shoulder has come from (this feels like a bloody therapy session!). Whilst I was away I started a GNVQ art, I made a deal with myself that if I get the top marks I’d go all the way and head for a degree. I got those marks and it changed my life from that day to this. I’d become a born again artist, a bit of a pain in the arse like those ex-smokers who can’t wait to tell you how great things are since they stopped. I’d do paintings for people and get them involved, the pleasure of getting a psycho armed robber sitting there, painting/colouring in something I’ve drawn for him was massive. And seeing him kneel down and present it to his to his little boy with pride still makes me well up.

Anyway, about six years ago my cousin was saying how bad things were with gangs, etc. at her school, I’d finished Uni and saw this as my calling. I could put the ‘something’ to give back that I’d been looking for. I wrote a very sincere and concise letter to the Local Authority telling them of my childhood, criminal past (petty crime), turning my life around, getting a degree and now wanting to help to try and make a change in my community. And asking the possibility of doing something positive and, bar a little inner redemption, it was one of the very few selfless things I’d ever done.

Soon after The Sun exposed how there’s ‘X’ amount of teachers in the system with sexual offences, but have somehow slipped beneath the radar. Several weeks later I received a letter from the Education Secretary, being the realist I think myself to be, I presumed it would be 95% NO with the remaining 5% divided between YES and ‘have you thought of contacting…?’ It was a NO, but no normal NO. It was a ‘kick you up the bollocks then kick you while you’re down followed by a generous sprinkle of salt to be rubbed in the wounds’ kind of NO. It mentioned recent reports of failings in background checks and in light of that my name had been put on a sort of list to ensure I am barred from working in schools, colleges and Government run child/youth groups. I’d been tarred with the same brush as the nonces. I wasn’t angry but numb, embarrassed and pretty much ashamed of being me. I got a letter a year or so later stating that they had revisited issue, I shouldn’t have been on the list and have now been taken off. It made me feel no better.

That long winded story, which was borderline whinge, is why I was so pissed off over the two galleries pulling out of showing the WALK A MILE piece, it wasn’t the fact they pulled out, it was the fact they pulled out because of the work I’d created prior to this. I’m not putting WALK A MILE on some pedestal, but the section I’m about to complete, like my letter to work in the school, was more to do with someone else other than me. I got the feeling that that was being overlooked in place of the work that has a more direct ‘prison’ aspects, it hurt a bit, to be honest.

If anyone has actually read this far, I apologise for banging on so much, this blog was meant to be 2-3 paragraphs long… bloody tangents!

I knew that getting a Gallery to show my WALK A MILE piece wouldn’t just happen at the click of my fingers. But to be told by on of the first I approached was great, they that they love the piece and would love to show it, a real confidence boost. They then contact me a few weeks later withdrawing the offer because the ‘theme’ of my work does not fit with the work this particular gallery generally show. That pissed me off somewhat, but hey-ho, what can you do?

Shortly afterwards I got contacted by a researcher at the BBC, who was shown my website by a friend of a friend, there was a pilot being made featuring several artists getting to show & sell a piece of work, a sort of X-Factor for artists. Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth I agreed to put in a bronze piece called ‘Prison Shirt’, I told her about my background, getting into art whilst in prison sentence and starting me degree whilst still serving, she told me it would warrant more interest and I’d get a call from someone at the production company soon. I then got a call a few days late, from a woman who was the casting director, saying that they initially put me forward having on of the strongest pieces of work with an excellent story to go with it, but they’ve since been advised not to use me as there were concerns that ‘IT COULD BE DEEMED THAT I AM PROFITING FROM MY CRIME’.

I said it was surely more a matter of Art being used as a tool on the rehabilitation process, a ‘bad boy turned good’ tale, but the decision was made.

But things started to look up that very day, I was talking to an artist, on Twitter (I’m @mizogArt ) who said they’d seen my WALK A MILE project a few months prior and had sent me a pair of shoes with a regret for it. He said he’d shown a few others including one of the guys who runs his gallery and asked if I was represented by a gallery… Looking good! He contacted me himself, via Twitter to say that he’d also sent me a pair of shoes for the project and how much he loved the concept and the compassion of the piece and would show it to his partner when she returns from a business trip, to possibly show the finished piece. I heard nothing for nearly three weeks, then he DM’d me on Twitter saying that they’d looked at my work and it was possibly a little too aggressive for their gallery. This got me down, I remembered that a friend had told me not to burn bridges with galleries, but I thought BOLLOCKS to that! I mentioned that a few weeks prior he took part in a project which was created to not judge others, not take people at face value and give people a chance to have their say, even he said how ‘oozes compassion’, then turns around and says my work is ‘possibly a little too aggressive’. I tried to state all this WITHOUT coming across as aggressive, which is pretty hard when you’re pissed off!

If there is another gallery who would like to show the WALK A MILE piece please contact me, but the body of my work does reflect my experiences during 7yrs in Prison. It was not a nice place and had very few positives, it is, for most, a sad, lonely and violent place. My work tries to reflect that not glorify it.

Being my first blog (ever), I presume one gives an insight of themselves.

As I state in my profile, I’ve always been creative, but never really created anything.

My creativity blossomed in a place where the main things that grew were negativity, anger, violence, paranoia & resentment.

I started my first art class in a high security prison, whilst serving a 14yr sentence after being used as a mule by a drugs smuggling gang.

We had an excellent tutor called Douglas Spooner, a Basil fawlty type Character with big curly hair. The guys took the piss out of him, but he resented the system as much as most of us.

After my introduction into pencil drawing, a ball in a bowl and a portrait of Steven Birkoff (which I took 4 whole weeks to complete, a mixture of a little OCD and plenty of time on my hands), my first written task was to find two artists to write a small essay on and create a piece of work in their styles.

I figured I’d go for the ones whose paintings looked the easiest to replicate. Out of the 19 art books in the prison library, 4 were Rolf Harris and the other 15 I’d not heard of. Most had at least one page missing and every one had a penis, pair of breasts or a smoking joint drawn onto each image.

I chose a book about a little known French guy, called Matisse!

I had no idea for the 2nd artist. I saw a picture of Zandra Rhodes, in a magazine, with a painting next to her. The text said it was by an artist called Duggie Fields from Earls Court, London. So I sent a letter (I shit you not) to Duggie Fields, Artist, Earls Court, London, telling of my essay and lack of info. A few weeks later I received a letter from him with plenty of, background info & images and corresponded throughout my sentence.

We then watched an art programme, featuring the painters Ray Richardson and Patrick Hughes. I wrote to them via C4 and received a letter from both soon after and have become friends with both to this day.

A new tutor arrived to cover Doug for a week; she brought with her a catalogue from the SENSATIONS show. I couldn’t believe the art I was seeing, conceptual art… That’s not art, anyone can do that! I could have made nearly all of it. She told me to take the book and read with an open mind, then I’d have a more valid opinion on it. Luckily, I started with image of a sieve with the holes filled with nuts & bolts (No Way – Mona Hatoum). A metaphor for her home the covered holes being the border points. I was gripped by the story, I just ‘got it’. How could she express all that with a sieve and some nuts & bolt? AMAZING! I wrote to nearly everyone in that catalogue, and received replies from nearly all, most sending me a catalogue/book featuring their work (click here http://www.garymansfield.co.uk/#/artistslinks/4559406471 to see who supported me back then). I read and read and read. I found conceptual art incredible and judge every piece I make by Hatoum’s No Way, if it doesn’t give me that feeling, it’s not quite there. It took me 7yr to get that feeling from my work.

I told myself I’d give 100% to the GNVQ course, if I got top marks I’d go for a degree. In April 1998, I turned my back on my previous life and focused on getting the grades to gain entry to Uni.

Whilst still in gaol I started my degree at the University of East London, where my art exploded thanks to superb tuition.

I started an MA there straight after, but dropped out when my partner fell pregnant and we couldn’t afford a baby & an MA.

I met up with Tracey Emin 18months ago, she gave me the kick up the arse I needed to get me making art again. The response to the said kick is WALK A MILE. http://www.garymansfield.co.uk/#/artistslinks/4559406471

Twitter = @mizogArt