At the end of the MA Show, it was time for my work to come down. Normally, my paintings would be packed away, dismantled, rolled up or whatever, and taken away to be kept for the future, this time however, things were a little different. Despite Our Greatest Efforts… was already in a collapsed and semi – destroyed state. Further dismantling was required. It felt really good smashing the thing to pieces with a big hammer after a long hard year and a difficult few weeks. I really let go! It was tiring, and getting all the screws and nails and whatever out took forever, but was necessary so that the wood could be cut down and recycled as fire wood. It took all morning.
It Still Stands, It Can Still Make It no longer stands, and history will have you believe that it didn’t make it. With one almighty push from its creator, the precarious structure fell forwards, before dramatically twisting back on itself, smashing into a wall before collapsing in dramatic style. What remained was a sorry mess. The aftermath of something, a riot perhaps or maybe a war that was lost.
I documented the ruined structure from all angles with the possibility of it becoming a new piece of work. I have not yet decided if this is a piece of work or not, and the photos do not do the scene of the fallen tower justice.
It’s collapse felt good. It was as if I had completely let go of everything, and after weeks of tweaking, I smashed up my work in front of an audience of my peers. It was also a form of stress relief. I felt like a mad man and my adrenalin was really flowing following the collapse and my smashing up of the work. I should add that there was some beer involved too, as we had a fair bit left after the private view.
It felt strange destroying my work, as I normally like to keep everything. Having spent thousands of pounds on tuition fees, and thousands more of my own money on living in London and on art materials, it felt almost wrong to smash up my MA work, to recycle all the materials and be left with nothing physical. I do have some large rolled up drawings and two paintings. I guess it’s kind of about closure maybe. Perhaps I want to draw a line here and start again. From scratch? Maybe, although the changes in my practice have opened up lots of new questions for me, I want to reign things in a little. It’s not always possible of course to make such large scale work, so I made the most of that opportunity, now I’m thinking small and across different mediums, this I believe is all possible. My next body of work can be anything, and I am confident in knowing that.
